INT. – THE PLANET – DAY

[Dana and Shane are sitting at a table. Alice comes running up.]

Alice: Okay, guys. I just saw the cutest guy I’ve ever seen in my life.

[Nobody reacts. Alice looks at Dana, who’s looking rather depressed.]

Alice: What?

Dana: I don’t wanna talk about it.

Alice: You don’t want to talk about what? Something happen with you and Lara?

Dana: No. I’m just never having sex again, that’s all.

[Alice sighs.]

Shane: Easy, Dana, come on.

Dana: I’ve never been more humiliated or embarrassed or ashamed of anything in my entire life.

Alice: What, did she tie you up and leave you?

Dana: No, nothing like that.

Alice: Okay, okay. Yep. I have a friend, she went down on a girl, she was down there and she sneezed.

[Shane chuckles.]

Alice: Is that it?

Dana: Gross.

Alice: It wasn’t me, it was a friend. So what, what what what. God, you’re killing me.

[Shane looks over at Dana.]

Shane: Did you queef?

Dana: Did I… see, I don’t even know what that is. Is that…

[Dana gives up and frowns as she leans over to whisper in Dana’s ear. ]

Alice: Okay, is that what happened? (to Shane) She female-ejaculated.

Shane: Wow, Miss Dana.

[Alice whistles. Dana looks around nervously.]

Shane: Wow, this Lara must be a killer in bed, huh?

Dana: Yeah… uh, yeah, yeah… she… that’s a good thing?

Alice: Dana! Women strive for this! They read books about the G-spot. They go to workshops. Oh, my god, you should be totally and utterly ecstatic.

[An attractive young guy walks in their direction.]

Alice: Oh, my god, there he is. Tell me he’s not the cutest guy you’ve ever seen?

[Shane looks over and sees the guy.]

Shane: Oh, Lis!

[Alice does a double-take.]

Alice: (startled) (whispering, to Shane) She?!

Shane: (to “Lisa”) Hey! How are you doing? How are you?

[Shane and the cute guy – “Lisa” – hug. She introduces her gang.]

Shane: Um, these are my friends. This is Alice, and this is Dana. Guys, this is Lisa.

Lisa: Hi.

Alice: (taken aback) Lisa.

Shane: (smiling) Yes, Lisa.

[Alice’s phone rings. Saved by the bell.]

Alice: Oh, shit. Oh, god, it’s my mom. Excuse me. (gets up) (phone) Hello, mother. What do you mean you’re in L.A., wh – where are you?

[Lisa sits between Shane and Dana. He watches Alice pacing a few feet away, on the phone to her mother.]

Lisa: (re: Alice) (to Shane) Who is that?

Shane: Uh-uh. Forget it, man.

Lisa: Are you sure?

Shane: Yeah, she, uh… well, she doesn’t want to be a lesbian anymore.

Lisa: Since when?

Shane: Well, she was dating one of those hot-and-cold chicks, and… well, she got her heart completely busted.

[All three watch Alice, who’s still on the phone.]

Alice: (phone) No! I – okay. I can’t come because I have to go to w – I have to go to work (looks at watch) in, like, a half an hour.

Lisa: (to Shane) It’s a shame.

Shane: (nods) Yeah.

Lisa: That’s no reason to swear off being a lesbian.

Shane: I agree.

Lisa: Maybe I can change her mind.

[Dana furrows her brow at him.]

Dana: Wait. I’m sorry, I don’t think… I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but you’re a guy. (laughs)

[Lisa sighs.]

Shane: (nods) Lisa’s a lesbian.

Lisa: (to Dana) I’m a lesbian-identified man.

[Dana sighs.]

Lisa: I know.

[Shane laughs. Alice is off the phone and comes back to the table and gets her keys and her drink.]

Alice: Okay. Well, my mom’s at The Plaza, there’s been some sort of misunderstanding, and she’s been here for 5 fucking days.

Shane: Well, tell her I said hi.

Alice: (sipping drink) Mm.

Dana: Oh, hey, is she still with that stunt guy?

Alice: Ask her.

Lisa: (sincerely) Bye, Alice.

[Alice stops. She smiles awkwardly at Lisa; Lisa smiles back sincerely.]

Alice: Bye… It’s… (points at cell phone) mom… she’s totally (waves her finger around in a circle by her head and makes a whistling sound).

Lisa: I totally understand.

[Dana watches the exchange and grins at Shane. Shane raises an eyebrow.]

Alice: (sipping drink) Mm. Okay guys, I’ll see ya later.

Shane: Bye, Al.

Dana: Bye, Al.

[Alice leaves. Dana raises her brows at Shane.]

INT. – THE PLAZA HOTEL – DAY

[Alice greets her mother, Lenore, with a hug.]

Lenore: Sweetie! I was planning on calling you tomorrow. It’s been so crazy. I’m here for the new Gerard Lichtman film and he’s just been so demanding of my time. Did you know he has 5 Standard poodles? (laughs)

Alice: Gerard Lichtman, wow, really.

Lenore: (smiling) Yeah. Of course, they haven’t set up the production offices yet, the financing is coming from some Australian beer conglomerate. So, I’m covering the hotel myself, which is fine, except that, uh, I’m having a slight… cash flow problem at the moment, and this manager’s being a total dick.

[A woman approaches Lenore.]

Woman: (excited) Excuse me. I’m a huge fan of Dynasty. I loved you as Alexis!

Lenore: Thank you. Actually, I was Blair in Empire Falls.

[The woman frowns and walks off.]

Lenore: (to Alice, re: woman) Moron.

Alice: Mom. I have to go to work. So what do you want.

Lenore: (pouts) Oh, Alice, please, can’t you talk to him for me? He’s exhausted me.

Alice: (rolls eyes) Okay. Allright. Stay here and I will take care of this.

[Alice walks up to the front desk to speak to the hotel manager. Lenore dials a number on her cell phone.]

[Moments later – Alice is talking to the manager at the front desk.]

Alice: So, all her credit cards were declined?

Manager: I’m afraid so. We have to collect, she’s over our limit. (smiles)

Alice: Right. But she’ll have it in like a day or two. She’s here to be in a Gerard Lichtman film, so…

Manager: Really!

Alice: Yeah.

Manager: I loved Blaunacht. It should’ve won the Oscar for Best Foreign Film.

Alice: (smiling) Right. And you know, sometimes they start payroll after production started. I’m sure you guys deal with celebrities all the time.

Manager: (smiling) I know. But, uh… she’s at our limit.

Alice: Right. (a beat) Okay. I mean, I can take care of this, it’s not a problem.

[Alice turns to see her mother, sitting on a chair and talking on the phone.]

Alice: (to manager) So what are we looking at?

Manager: Well, I have a printout of the bill. (hands printout to Alice) The total comes to five thousand, nine hundred sixty-eight, forty-two. (smiles)

Alice: I’m s – I’m sorry, you said – (looks at bill)

Manager: Five thousand, nine hundred sixty-eight, forty-two.

Alice: (reading bill) Dollars.

Manager: That be cash or credit card?

[Alice flips through the bill which is several pages long. She’s smiling, but irritated.]

Alice: (reading bill) I’m sorry. How could anybody spend five thousand dollars on a hotel room. That doesn’t –

Manager: Well, the suite is $950 a night.

Alice: Uh-huh.

Manager: Uh, she was here for five days. There was room service, and I believe she made a few phone calls. (smiles)

Alice: (blank stare) Right. (chuckles) (looks at bill) Oh, mother.

INT. – ALICE’S CAR – DAY

[Alice is her mother somewhere. Lenore is indifferent to Alice having to pay the hotel bill; Alice is peeved, but keeps a straight face.]

Lenore: Well, obviously I’m good for the money! I’m not some sort of con-artist! As soon as this job comes through, just send me the bill.

Alice: You could always hawk those pants.

Lenore: Aren’t they great? (looks at Alice) Are you being sarcastic?

[Alice looks at her mother then looks back at the road.]