Fan Fiction
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Just The Girl 2.0 – Chapter Eighteen (Based loosely on HYD: Returns)
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“I would just like to remind you that my girlfriend’s gay.”
“Okay, I’d go gay for her..”
“What about Sally?”
“She can be my lesbian lover.”
“Porter’s into vaginas. You have a penis.”
“So? I could tuck it in my ass and hide it there..”
“…”
“What?”
“How ’bout I cut it off instead?”
“Are you serious?”
“Well I’m certainly not kidding..”
“Heh..” Gabe laughed nervously, inching his way to the other side of the couch, far from the blonde. He didn’t like the way Tina was looking at him – and he didn’t like her proximity to Keith’s Swiss army knife either. “How ’bout I become her chambermaid?”
“I already have that job.”
“I can be your assistant. I’ll be Bette’s chamber male maid.”
“That doesn’t sound nice.”
“As opposed to what, her man whore?”
“That’s even worse.”
“See?”
Tina pursed her lips in thought, appraising Gabe. “I know what you can be..”
“What?” Gabe asked, grinning broadly.
“You can be her personal punching bag.”
“She has one of those?”
“No. Not yet.”
“I’ll be the first?”
“Well yeah. Porter likes to take out her frustrations on people, the staff at the estate usually suffers because of it. Wouldn’t it be great if she just channeled all her anger on just one?” She pointed a finger at Gabe. “You.”
“So what do I do? Just stand there and get punched?”
“Oh no, you’ll get kicked too.”
“Uh-huh..”
“On the groin.”
“Ouch.”
“You won’t be able to have any babies.”
“Sal wouldn’t like that.”
“She won’t. You’ll get yelled at a lot too.”
“What’s new?”
“And slapped.”
“I see..”
“She’ll probably pinch and pull your nipples from time to time..”
“Does that hurt?”
“See for yourself..”
“OUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!”
“Painful?”
“Uh-huh..” Gabe whimpered. “Anything else?”
“Hmm.. when she’s bored, she might just chase you around the estate in a golf cart and try to run you over..”
“Seriously?”
“Unfortunately.”
Gabe winced. “Is there an upside to the job aside from the hefty paycheck?”
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thanks alchemy! happy birthday and i hope you had a great celebration. your dialogue is just the best and looking forward to the next update.
this installment had me literally wheezing with laughter! so many one-liners i had to read again, they were just so good. so funny and sweet, our two stubborn soulmates – the maid scenario was a tricky proposition and you pulled it off brilliantly :-) this story is one of a kind. belated birthday wishes alchemy – i hope it was a great one – and i can’t wait for the next post
You did it again alch. I wish I can do what you do. Hilarious! Need to get rid of shawty and red, something tells me they’ll be showing in the Hamptons. Awesom are you. I’m not worth, I’m not worthy! Happy B-day!
This was the first I have read of your story. I read this whole post in one sitting. I will have to go back and read all the other post. Nothing else is going to being getting done around here until I’m caught up. :)This was crazy fun in places. Bette is so mean and sarcastic but this has been a fun read. Thanks for the post.
Love it as usual. Thanks and PPS!
I’ m very happy that you didn’ t write for a while for good things. Happy birthday Alchemy (although I’ m belated)! I hope you had a great time and a lot of drinks! As for the story, another perfect chapter as always. Thank you very much for that story. I have said it before and I will say it again: It’ s my favourite. Thank you girl. I can’ t wait for the next one. Many kisses.
thanks for the update.just loved it it.keep up the good work.pps
Happy B’day Alchy!!! May you have a wonderful upcoming year – and thank you for your gift of writing for us. First…LOL!Secondly…ROFL!Thirdly…ROFLMAO!!!!!I love fun-Alchy! (yes…I know…you had to do the drama…but you are the Mt. Everest-of-fanfic humor!” I laughed so hard…my dog started to bark with all the excitement and joy! You are simply C-O-N-T-A-G-I-O-U-S-L-Y F-U-N!!!!!! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! *btw…what a tease with the ‘almost kiss.’ :)I love Tina when she’s all “weed-like.” Brings out the flirt in Bette. So sweet! PPS!
Happy Birthday Alchemy, wishing you all the best my friend. OMG that was so freaking funny and sweet, B&T are killing us here with their stbborn and crazy way there lol. Please post more, thanks!
Oh I haven’t laughed that hard in quite a while. Alchemy that was just an amazing chapter, all of it. There are so many examples of your unique humor from Bette’s admission of her love for Tina to Tina’s drooling conversation with Bette concerning her breath. Awesome. Thanks for posting I loved the read.
Hey Alchemy. Happy Birthday! Hope it was a great one. This is a wonderful story and funny too! I can’t wait for your next post.
This was a fun update! PPS
I love this story. How does Bette have anyone working for her? She is so mean. Good thing Tina really does love her and vice versa.
Thank you for the update. This is my favorite story and I was getting worried that you would stop posting. Thanks
What can I say, I am in awe of your writing. I absolutley love this story!
It took me 6 days to have the courage to read this Alch, I couldn’t bear to see them hurting each other that much. Then I wanted to see at what level you were so I finally read it. I am so glad I’ve done it BECAUSE I love it almost back to what I love about your story: LOVE and CARE. Thank you, thank you, thank you and a late HAPPY BIRTHDAY
And funny funny funny. It just like I like it woowoo. It was funny even if they are not back back together yet thy=ey are togethr right??? It was great.
Happy Belated Birthday, Alch! I feel like I’m the one getting the present with this chapter. Your humor is exceptional…had me laughing like a loon the whole way through. Too many good parts to mention starting with Bette’s horrific morning breath to Tina’s asphyxiatingly tight new uniform. Just brilliant!!
HBD Alch! Thanks for a great update! You were worrying me there for a bit. Hilarious chapter BTW.
what a happy day when i see a new post from you, luved it as usual!!
It took me a while but I finally read every chapter of this story. Great story. I can’t wait for the next installment.