I still didn’t know what to think about this dream. The way she made me feel was so beyond any other emotion I have felt that I don’t know of any words to describe it. Was she merely an image with a random name that my mind had created? A creation to fulfill the desire I had to find the one person that made sense to me and I to them? All the questions flooding my mind were kind overwhelming. I wanted definitive answers and I wanted them right now!

Yeah right. I have always taken the long way around to things. Over cautious patience can either pay off or leave me wishing that I had taken the more direct route. This was situation was probably not going to be any different. The one thing that I was pretty sure I was trying to tell myself was that I was tired of the run around. The ‘run around’ being the one night stands or the empty relationships that were the equivalent of spinning my wheels and getting nowhere. Yeah, I enjoyed the girls I had dated and I am sure the dead-end relationships were necessary for me to get to this point. I am just tired of feeling hollow and drained. I want something that does the exact opposite. Whether this Ashley girl in my dream was real or not wasn’t the point anymore for me, it was more about the fact that she gave me a glimpse into the feelings I was ready to find.

It was almost midnight when I get to my grandma’s house. She was still up waiting for me and met me with a mug of hot lemon blossom tea with a touch of honey. She was my my mom’s mom. She is one of the most stubborn and independent women I have ever met. Gramps passed away when I was 4 from lung cancer. I have only very fleeting images of him. My grandma never remarried and has lived alone ever since. She isn’t a bitter old spinster. She gets out, has lots of friends and seems very ok with the way things have turned out for her. She has always said that the love she had when grandpa was here was enough to last her life time and that is all she needs.