It was after school when I got a bit of a shock at Biggby coffee house. I was with Natalie for a reason I cannot remember. It was possibly because she dug in her claws and took me with her despite my protests, but after awhile Natalie saw Kate come through the doors. Of course, Natalie pointed her out and I reluctantly turned my attention to her. Natalie was telling me in her way, that was quick and biting, that the rumor mill had walked in obviously showing their gay persuasion. What she meant was that Kate and the infamous Ashley had just made an appearance and clearly not caring if anyone in The Train was watching. I was barely paying attention and had just meant to humor her and do a quick glance at the two and then feign my disgust at them, but that was until I saw the face behind the name.

Ashley Davies, a name that seemed so normal, so unassuming had just completely threw my head for a spin. Ashley Davies was brown hair, brown eyes, dark face, stiff steps…All of it her face her body just like in every single dream of her.

Ashley meant obsession.

Ashley meant confusion.

Ashley meant that my heart cracked out a pounding shock that twisted pulling every fiber and tendon in my body loose. I could have collapsed. I could have died. I wish I had.

Kate and Ashley walked in, hand in hand. Forearms tightly touching, hip to hip…I did not hear another word of what Natalie was saying to me and I do not remember anything else from that day. It was just another day, boring, long and forgettable. Except seeing that image of the two together, fortifying those rumors, and recalling it made something rise in me.

Envy is just one more sin against me.

                This was a turning point, because I never could really reconcile my unchecked thoughts. All the times where I unintentionally thought of her and all the times I recalled the good book telling me all the things that are wrong with that. The worst of it was how concerned I was with what others might think. The way Natalie spoke of them with such disdain and disgust made me feel disgusted with myself. Such thoughts were beneath me. I was no better than some animal. I had no filter. I could not control myself.