Spencer is trying to say ‘forgive me father…for I have sinned.’

Everyone is under the delusion that I am the best girl on the block. Maybe it is the name. Title and all, it is an important thing. People put so much stock in it. They have for centuries. It tells people all about you, who you are.

                It could tell who your father was or what your family business was. Your trade and all, but for me, I never did bother to figure what Carlin meant. Really didn’t care, just like I didn’t care what it meant to other people either. Or so I tried to act like even though it was not really true.

                As I said, everyone thought I was this good girl. Everyone said my family was well set in the community. Maybe we were, and maybe I was on outer appearances. But blonde hair and blue eyes can be misleading. Really, we all have our dark edge.

                I can be dark and twisted at least by my own standards. In my old world religion, there are seven sins and I know I am more than guilty of indulging in at least one, but at most all.

                I will tell you my sins one by one.

                Call it my confession.

                Call it catholic guilt.

Like all long winding paths to the gutter there is a beginning. One moment where you make a decision, whether unconsciously or conscious, that will affect how your immediate future will turn out and from there how your long term will. I think mine was more lenient toward unconscious, and to make it more a safe bet let me just claim right now that it was just instinctual. One of those serendipitous things that really in hindsight you can’t figure out.

Really, all I am trying to get across is that I do not exactly know how all of it happened or how my mind slipped into this state of mania, but I digress.

The day was unremarkable by many standards. Not mine, because my standards are surprisingly low, but by someone’s I am sure. Anyway, it was one of those days in your life that you want to slip by as a quickly as time constraints will allow. It was one of those days that you bide you time in until a better one comes along. I am still waiting for such a day.