“Ashley I have my family out here…” I told her then she looked extremely depressed which always scared me after her past and everything “…but I mean I could come see you a few days…like on my way back to OSU…”

“yeah…um, I actually have to meet with my manager, but I’ll pick you up in the morning…”

“oh…ok…” I said really not wanting to go “you’re not staying here tonight?”

“I don’t think I can…” she said not wanting to deal with the fact I was leaving

My dad came up to my room a few minutes later

“was Ashley leaving already? She just got here…”

“yeah I know…” I told him

“are you two ok?”

“yeah it’s just the fact I’m leaving tomorrow is starting to click…and the world we have together is being split into two completely different ones…”

“I’m sorry spence…but I’m sure it’ll work out for the better…” he told me

“yeah I hope so…” I said then he kissed my forehead and I laid on my bed smelling my pillow that reminded me of Ashley

*********************

So she’s leaving…I’m leaving and I don’t know what to do…it sucks, and there’s no other way to put it

“so this is it…” I told her as we stood in front of security at the airport

“yep…back to Ohio…” she said trying to smile

“call me when you get in?” I asked her then she fell into my arms

“I will…” she said

“i’m gonna miss you so much Spencer…” I told her kissing her softly

“you better come visit me…”

“I will…I promise…” I told her having a slight bit of doubt in my mind

“I love you…” she told me

“I love you too…” I told her “…go…” I said breaking the hug “…your futures waiting…”

This sucks so much…3 months sober and the one person that helped me stay strong is gone…on an airplane taking her hundreds of miles away…

Pain: n   A distressing sensation in a particular part of the body.

ok…so i pick the heart. It says a particualr part of the body, and usually I’d say it was my arms, where i’d inject myself with illegal substances three times a day, but no…that’s nothing compared to the pain the heart gives you…I’d rather die of an overdose then die from heartbreak…When the love of your life is gone, when you spend 3 months sober then the one person that got you through that is gone, you have no one to turn to…

…it’s never really over though, the struggle with addiction…addiction is a habit…our habits help shape who we are and they help shape the people around us, so…my habit, is it love? music? or heroine? at this point i dont know…at what point do you say to yourself "i need help figuring this out" because sometimes the most dangerous thing is being stuck with your own mind…

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it’s something new I’m trying…