“Tina, I…” What? Was I willing to risk it and tell her? Go on, tell her! You need to get it out! A voice said. No way, she’ll think I’m a freak. Tina will tell her, and then I’ll be ruined, I responded. You’re already ruined, look at you, you’re talking to voices! It said back. Just tell her!

            “What is it, Al? You can tell me.” She coaxed.

            “I need to…to tell someone…it just hurts…” I broke down crying, sinking to the floor, head in my hands. I vaguely felt her arms around me, but my head was more focused on the throbbing pain in my chest.

            “Shhh, it’s alright. Come on, let’s get you into some dry clothes.” She said, taking hold of my shoulders.

            The ground seemed to quake furiously, loudly, as I heaved out another shaky sob. It was like the earth’s brown tones were holding me down, and I was unable to rise with Tina. She finally managed to tug me up half way, her strong yet seemingly small arms grasping mine tightly, sending spasms of pain through me, but I didn’t really care.

            “Come on, sweetie.” I heard her in the background of my mind, as she towed me into the living room. Her white-tan carpet reminded me of the sand on the beach, warm and friendly, whispering promises of summer fun and careless thoughts, and I could instantly smell the salty water, feel the warm breeze on my face. I just want to lay in the sand for a little while…

            I felt myself plunge toward it, it seemed like I was falling forever, the colors of the room dropping octaves as I went, the smell becoming stronger. And finally, I hit darkness. Peace.

            Soft, comforting sand. The smell of the ocean. Hot sun on my back. Warm, inviting winds, playfully whisking away towels and blankets. Umbrellas posted in the ground to ward off the steaming yellow and orange beams. Children screaming and running around, kicking up seashells and pebbles. Life guards perched in their stands with watchful eyes, surveying the beach. And me, under the foaming water, just drifting along with the gentle waves. I was back at the weekend the gang headed out to Palm Springs for Dana’s game. We’d spent the whole day before at the beach, just relaxing and having fun. I liked it under the water. It was deafening silence, and I was pretty much alone, left to do my thinking as long as my lungs would hold on without oxygen. I opened my eyes and squinted against the salty green water, trying to make out anything more than 3 feet away from my face. I felt something brush against me, then pushing me down towards the bottom, and I felt a sickening black pang of panic and fear rush inside me. I kicked, moved my arms, trying to find the surface, and then, yes! I broke free, gasping in the warm summer air. I looked around, wiping the water from my eyes, and there she was. Tan skin shining in the bright afternoon, dark brown hair dripping wet down her back, beautiful white smile gleaming like the sun. She laughed and ruffled my hair, back pedaling a little bit, treading water.