“Yeah, I’m here. Did you say… you and Tonya broke up?” Shane’s eyes widened and her mouth dropped open.

            “Yeah. It was me, I just…I just couldn’t take it.”

            “Oh fuck. Wait, you didn’t tell her about us, did you?”

            “Gee, Al, thanks for the sympathy.” She said dryly. I rolled my eyes, glad she couldn’t see me.

            “Sorry. I just… well, what does this mean? Do you…?”

            “Alice, please!” She whined, and I could hear the desperation in her voice. “Can I just talk to you as a friend again? For like, a minute? I miss being able to talk to my best friend, okay?”

My face softened and I whispered into the phone. “Okay. What do you need?”

            “I don’t…I don’t know. Can you just… open your door?” There was a knock, and I got up to let Dana in.

            “Hey” I said, giving a weak smile.

            “Hey. Um… Al?” She pointed to my phone, which I was still talking into.

            “Oh! Right.” I snapped it shut and tossed it into my suitcase. “Do you, um, want some hot chocolate or something?”

            She smiled, tucking some hair behind her ear. “Hot chocolate sounds great.”

                                                                      ***

A few minutes later Dana and I were sitting on separate beds, sipping hot chocolate and awkwardly staring down at the floor. Shane had made up some lame excuse about having to talk to Jenny about their apartment situation, and had left us alone.

            “So, um… was it…was that the reason you kind of ran away when you were talking to me before? You were avoiding her?” I asked, not really knowing what to say. We were both in really weird positions.

            “Well, yeah.  I hadn’t done it yet, though.” She wouldn’t look at me. Did I screw it up already?

            “S-so it was your idea?” I didn’t know weather to act happy or sorrowful or what.

            “Yeah.” We sat in silence for a few more minutes. And then she let out a huge sigh. “Why is this so hard for us?”

            “What?” I looked up and finally her eyes met mine.

            “You and Bette were like best friends after you broke up, right? So why are we so awkward?” I made a pained face, hating that this was hurting her so much. And I thought we were doing okay.

            “Dana, Bette and I weren’t best friends before we started going out. We hadn’t already connected like that. The break up didn’t…it didn’t hurt as much.” My eyes darted away again. Damn it. I heard her let out a sob and looked over to see tears running down her face.

            “I’m sorry, Alice. I’m sorry that I keep hurting everyone, and I’m sorry that I ruined our friendship, and now we can’t get it back, and everything is just so fucked up!” I set my cup down and went over to her, sitting down on the bed and enveloping her in my arms.

            “It’s okay, Dana. It’s not your fault.” We rocked back and forth until she calmed down, head resting on my shoulder. She looked up at me with those big brown eyes and wiped the tears from her face with her sleeve.

            “Sorry about this. I didn’t mean to unload on you.” I shook my head.

            “No, it’s okay. It’s good to, ya know, get it all out. That’s what Shane tells me, anyway. I always just feel embarrassed afterwards.” She let out a small laugh.

            “I’m glad you had Shane for… you know. That time. I know it was hard. I really wish I could have been there for you. I miss you, Al.” I nodded, choking back my own tears.

            “I miss you too.” Silence.

            “Hey, before on the phone you said something about hiding from a teenage lesbian? What the fuck was that about?”

            “Oh!” I laughed, remembering the little girl. “I was outside with Shane and this kid bumps into me and starts hitting on me! It was so weird. And of course Shane wasn’t going to help me out, so I had to fucking run away to my room.” She laughed, a good solid laugh, and I could tell she hadn’t done that very often.

            “See, Al? You do just fine without me.” No I don’t , I thought. But I just laughed along.