Fan Fiction
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I Don’t Want to Cry Anymore
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Now is she pulling me back, though? She, too, seems a half, wandering. But I don’t know how to read her anymore, how to anticipate what she needs. She told me, but is it really me she’s missing, or the life we had? In that same vein, do I miss her, or the creation of a world that takes place when you become a part of another person like that? I can only guess it’s both because there are acute moments when it’s just her. Nights I spend alone when I miss how she used to wrap herself around me. How she did it. How the morning sun hit her hair. Her hair. How she moved around the kitchen, how her laughter echoed through the house, how she stroked my hair. No, for me, it’s missing Tina.
She, too, seems more like herself. Stronger in her own right, more confident, too. She looks like the Tina I fell in love with. And at once, she’s vulnerable and reaching for my support. She’s scared and lonely, that much I can still read. And she turns to me, as she once did, seeks my comfort. There will never be a time, I think, when she stops feeling right in my arms, no matter who else I let in or let myself love, even. Someone doesn’t stop fitting perfectly into you just because you’re not together. Maybe, in that case, you don’t have to stop loving someone completely who has held so much of your heart for so long. Maybe you just learn to love more and differently.
So beside this love for Tina, next to it, is there room for someone else? Will Jodi understand, should we get to that place? Sometimes, so rarely, I wish I had never seen Tina, never learned how to feel and love. Somehow, I think she would have found me anyway. We were meant to be, in some capacity. I just wish I could figure out what that capacity might be… and how to do it. Moving on is heartbreak of a different kind. You almost get used to the silence and emptiness. But maybe it’s time to let go of the lack of Tina and that role she once held and try for something better. Maybe it’s time to relearn how to live for me again.
“Oh, why can’t I forget you
I know so well what is in store
A moment or two
Up in the clouds with you
Then back where I was before
No I don’t want to cry anymore
All that I’ve known about happiness
I found just being with you
Then I would find myself losing my mind
Over some careless thing you would do
Oh, why can’t I forget you
I know so well what is in store
A moment or two
Up in the clouds with you
Then back where I was before
No I don’t want to cry anymore”
-“I Don’t Want to Cry Anymore”
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Dear friend and fellow TiBetter, what can I say? I think you nailed her! Isn’t it truth that the deepest emotion hide within an alpha-character? those who portray so strong are usually the one gone through the most pain… I love how you put her doubt and fears in and presented them to us… Pls tell us more! Love, JLBT
NY, I think you captured her feelings. I could feel the emotions as I was reading this. You are an excellent writer, so do not every doubt yourself my friend. I can’t wait to see your next post. Three days and counting!
In my mind eyes Not jodie and Bette. It just not there for them. Right now she might be good for Bette she is getting out but she needs some one to love her like she is not like they want her to be. thanks
i really like this…it makes me sad…but i really like it; and i realy like ur writing…and i am the same way…usualy songs and lyrics inspire me to write…a lot! lol
makes me sad too because bette might let go of tina completely to be with jodie but jodie will be al wrong for her in end and bette might lose on her true love
Excuse me, I thought you said you couldn’t write through Bette’s eyes? Wow…that was deep. And yes- Tina- she was Bette’s first real love- she should be her last and forever- if not- then we’ll accept Helena ok :) Great chapter babe- I hope these don’t remain one shots- there’s so much potential…I hope you take us places.
I’m first? Nice.What can I say? If it’s Bette, it’s game. Can we expect a cameo from Bette’s arm in the one with Tina’s POV? Pretty please? With whipped cream on top?
Wonderful chapter. I think we all know who Bette will end up with, but, at the same time, it’s Jodi who’s to thank for bringing Bette back to life. We haven’t seen her like this for a long time, I’m glad Jodi made her feel again, led her away from the half existence, using your terms. Really liked it. Looking forward to more from you.
At first, I was like, okay with Bette and Jodi… Bette was letting go, moving on. It was sad to see, but I was glad in a way. But now… I’ve got a glimmer of hope, just a glimmer, and I’m more than ready to see the back of Jodi now. That being said, Bette did need a change of perspective, because she was floundering, and Jodi helped her get there. Excellent post, NY, as ever. Thanks
Never think of it as sad if you always use song titles as FF titles. As a music major I’m telling you it’s okay. lol I can’t write for Bette very well either. She becomes a big dork or something when I write her. =O I don’t want Bette to let Jodi in too deep (emotionally, you perverts although physically it sounds like they’ve gone there…TMI). Not because Jodi isn’t Tina, but because I see a massive heartbreak happening.
Well, Ny, you have the goods….the writing talent. I can appreciate what Jodi has done for Bette as far as feeling her emotions again BUT I’m a TiBetter until the end. When they are together on the show , they have great chemistry but I don’t know if Tina appreciated Bette’s interference at The Planet w/the agents. Tina looked as if she wanted to say more but Bette barged in to protect her. Tina’s a big girl and needs to defend herself but old habits die hard.PPS.
Which version do you like better? Billie Holiday’s or Mel Torme’s or Mark Murphy’s?????
Hia NY, mmm, I like these one-offs of yours. I’ve always wondered if it’s possible to be in love with two people at the same time. This story brought me a little closer to forming an opinion… Thanks, NY… I’m so happy that you keep posting LOL.
Sometimes I so much like Bette, like holding on forever. Not the Alpha type person but definitely the holding on person. Never quite letting go of the one that you love, that hurt you beyond reason. I guess that is why Tina still appeals to me because just like Bette we are unable to let go of our own heart and fill it up with someone else.
again, just catching up, wonderfully written…and I agree Bette to me is not easy to write…cuz she’s not a straight-A alpha maybe????