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    I Don’t Want to Cry Anymore

    Story written on March 1, 2007 by NYGayLady.
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    1 vote, average: 5.00 out of 51 vote, average: 5.00 out of 51 vote, average: 5.00 out of 51 vote, average: 5.00 out of 51 vote, average: 5.00 out of 5 (1 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
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    Number of Comments: 15
    Words: 1651
    Story Shortlink: https://assertive-maroon-jellyfish.104-250-143-187.cpanel.site/?p=64759
    Author Notes:

    One-off of Bette’s thoughts… not much else to say about that… not quite sure where it fits in, in the grand scheme of things…

    Jodi brings me to life.  She’s not Tina, but I don’t know if that’s a bad thing or not.  She’s so fearless she makes me brave.  She’s shaped and changed me so much in the short time I’ve known her.  Tina did that, too, but in different ways.  Where Tina made me want to be dependable, want to protect her and take care of her, create a better world for her and present it to her as a worshipper to a goddess, Jodi calms me, forces me to be more understanding and patient, more attentive.  She makes me driven in a different way, one where I can see that I can do things for myself, too.  She’s brought back so much of what I’ve been missing, supports and challenges me, takes charge of things, too.  In spite of herself, she’s developed a warm rapport with Angelica, causing Boo to strive to learn her language out of respect.

    Jodi should make it all better, should be able to fill the void.  I can feel my heart swelling to take her in, yearning to give itself again.  And it’s so sweetly painful.  Painful because there is an element of letting go involved, of closing off Tina, of giving up the dreams that still, I now realize, include her.  It’s good to know I haven’t been robbed of my emotions and basic needs, but it hurts.  I want to move on but… it’s Tina.  My first real love.  She was supposed to be my last and forever.  And no matter how healthy, it hurts to let that go.  We’re trying for something else now, but I’m not sure there will ever come a day when I can just look at her and not stare.  Be near her and not want.  When I can ever be with her and not feel like, deep down, I’m cheating on the woman I’m seeing and Tina.  It’s too much.

    Is there room for Jodi beside Tina?  In place of her?  She may not even be willing to give herself to me completely, and I almost don’t feel right asking her to when I can’t accomplish this small feat of letting go of the love of my life.  Rather, the one who was supposed to be.  But maybe it’s time.

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    Comments

    1. Dear friend and fellow TiBetter, what can I say? I think you nailed her! Isn’t it truth that the deepest emotion hide within an alpha-character? those who portray so strong are usually the one gone through the most pain… I love how you put her doubt and fears in and presented them to us… Pls tell us more! Love, JLBT

    2. NY, I think you captured her feelings. I could feel the emotions as I was reading this. You are an excellent writer, so do not every doubt yourself my friend. I can’t wait to see your next post. Three days and counting!

    3. In my mind eyes Not jodie and Bette. It just not there for them. Right now she might be good for Bette she is getting out but she needs some one to love her like she is not like they want her to be. thanks

    5. makes me sad too because bette might let go of tina completely to be with jodie but jodie will be al wrong for her in end and bette might lose on her true love

    6. Excuse me, I thought you said you couldn’t write through Bette’s eyes? Wow…that was deep. And yes- Tina- she was Bette’s first real love- she should be her last and forever- if not- then we’ll accept Helena ok :) Great chapter babe- I hope these don’t remain one shots- there’s so much potential…I hope you take us places.

    8. Wonderful chapter. I think we all know who Bette will end up with, but, at the same time, it’s Jodi who’s to thank for bringing Bette back to life. We haven’t seen her like this for a long time, I’m glad Jodi made her feel again, led her away from the half existence, using your terms. Really liked it. Looking forward to more from you.

    9. At first, I was like, okay with Bette and Jodi… Bette was letting go, moving on. It was sad to see, but I was glad in a way. But now… I’ve got a glimmer of hope, just a glimmer, and I’m more than ready to see the back of Jodi now. That being said, Bette did need a change of perspective, because she was floundering, and Jodi helped her get there. Excellent post, NY, as ever. Thanks

    10. Never think of it as sad if you always use song titles as FF titles. As a music major I’m telling you it’s okay. lol I can’t write for Bette very well either. She becomes a big dork or something when I write her. =O I don’t want Bette to let Jodi in too deep (emotionally, you perverts although physically it sounds like they’ve gone there…TMI). Not because Jodi isn’t Tina, but because I see a massive heartbreak happening.

    11. Well, Ny, you have the goods….the writing talent. I can appreciate what Jodi has done for Bette as far as feeling her emotions again BUT I’m a TiBetter until the end. When they are together on the show , they have great chemistry but I don’t know if Tina appreciated Bette’s interference at The Planet w/the agents. Tina looked as if she wanted to say more but Bette barged in to protect her. Tina’s a big girl and needs to defend herself but old habits die hard.PPS.

    13. Hia NY, mmm, I like these one-offs of yours. I’ve always wondered if it’s possible to be in love with two people at the same time. This story brought me a little closer to forming an opinion… Thanks, NY… I’m so happy that you keep posting LOL.

    14. Sometimes I so much like Bette, like holding on forever. Not the Alpha type person but definitely the holding on person. Never quite letting go of the one that you love, that hurt you beyond reason. I guess that is why Tina still appeals to me because just like Bette we are unable to let go of our own heart and fill it up with someone else.

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