It always starts the same. We’re at UCLA, in the quad, with hundreds of students staring at us as we argue. But this is the last time I’ll ever be this close to her beautiful face. Eyes red rimmed and swollen, the evidence of tears still streaking down her face. This isn’t an normal fight. I messed up, BIG.
     She can’t even look me in the eye anymore. I have hurt her too bad this time. I step closer to her and tilt her head up to face me. Her eyes are closed, so I lean in and try to steal what I hope isn’t a last kiss. As soon as my lips touch hers, she takes a step back.
     "Don’t" she says.
     "Please, believe me. I never meant to hurt you."
     "I can’t believe you because you knew damn well what you were doing. And don’t say she forced you to sleep with her, cause we both know that isn’t true. I thought you loved me?"
     Her words stung, and they bit at my heart. They ripped it to shreds. I knew deep down that she was right. I was used to getting what I wanted, when I wanted it, so when ‘Becca, some random chick I met at Gray had offered, at the time, Spencer had only been an after thought. An after thought that should have been the first and only thing on my mind.
     "See you can’t even deny that you didn’t want it. You can’t even tell me you do love me." she said backing slowly away from me. She was right and wrong at the same time. I had wanted it, at the time, but I did love her. It just unfortunaetly took that one big ass mistake with ‘Becca to make me realize it.
     "Spencer . . . I . . . look, ‘Becca didn’t mean anything to me. She was just some random chick. It’s you I want and only you, if you’ll have me." I finished, now looking at my feet.
     "Oh, so that’s her name? Glad you got it before you went a screwed her. I’m hope you happy you got such a good lay from the bitch. Too bad you went and fucked up the only good thing you had going. And no, I won’t have you. Not like this, some screwed up version of the girl I fell in love with three years ago." and she turned her back on me, starting to walk away.
     "Spence . . . Spencer . . . WAIT!" I screamed, and she finally turned back around.
     "What Ashley? Did you honestly think I would let it slide this time. Ever since you got your record deal you have done nothing but stomp all over me. I put up with your drinking and all the drugs because I loved you. I thought maybe one day you would come to your senses. I even forgave you when you cheated on me with your ex, Emma. But not this time. I won’t let you tear me down again."
     By the time she had finished I should have been on my knees begging for forgiveness, even though I knew she wouldn’t give it to me. I should have professed my love to her. I should have given up everything that I was using to hurt her. I should have shown her that my heart was hers and only hers, but I couldn’t.
     In all my years, I had only cried once, when my dad died, and for some odd reason, I prided myself on that, but right now the tears flowed endlessly as I stood in front of the only girl to ever love me for me. The only girl I had ever fell in love with, and now she wasn’t even mine. I locked eyes with her for a moment longer before breathing in a ragged breathe.
      "So what do you want me to do? I’ll do anything." I said, knowing with all my heart I would give her anything she wanted, no matter what it was.
     "I want you to turn around and walk away. To never look back."
     "If that’s what you want . . . " I said, staring at her blue eyes, red rimmed and swollen before turning my back and walking away. I could hear her sobs even as I got further away, or maybe they were mine. My heart was broken beyond repair. So I was going to do what she had told me to do. . . walk away and never look back.

     I sat upright in my bed. Unconsiously, my hand reached for the person who would be there. I sighed and flopped back down turning my head to the left to look at the picture of Ashley and me back when everything was good.
"Get it together, Spence. She’s not coming back. You told her not to. Get over her. She’s probably gotten over you by now." I thought to myself. I knew there was no point in trying to go to sleep. It was only 3:45 a.m. but the nightmare that had woken me was burned into the back of my eye lids. I could still see me, eyes red rimmed and swollen from crying, staring at Ashley’s back as she did what I had told her to do. Today was going to be rough. February 22 always is.