I found my way under the blankets, and nestled myself in their warmth, only now realizing how cold the apartment was.  I shivered quickly, and then closed my eyes, allowing myself to drift off into a restless half sleep.

I don’t know how much time had elapsed, but at some point during the night I heard the door creak open, and a sliver of light fell across the floor. I peeked my eyes open ever so slightly and watched the figure of Ashley move towards the bed. She was at her side when she stopped suddenly and stood for a moment. She sniffed quietly – she had been crying. She then turned and walked around to my side of the bed, stopping right in front of me. I closed my eyes again as she hovered there for a few moments, her breath coming slowly. Her hand gently reached down and pushed my hair out of my face, stroking her thumb gingerly along my cheekbone. Then she bent down so that I could feel her breath; I could smell the magnolia scent that clung to her brown curls. Her lips met the top of my head and lingered there for a moment.

“Merry Christmas, Spence” She whispered. It was so quiet that I could barely hear it. I felt warm for a moment, this being the closest I’d felt to her in a long time. She then slowly got up and went back to her side of the bed, sliding under the blankets on the very edge of her side. I felt the mattress sink beneath her weight, and listened only to the sound of her breath as stillness set in around us. It was unbelievably quiet – even the usual New York City sound of car horns blaring was absent. If my heart wasn’t falling apart, I would have attributed this to the magic of Christmas.

Soon her short breaths became rhythmical and quiet, and I knew she was asleep.

“Merry Christmas, Ash” I exhaled.  Finally allowing myself to drift off into a somewhat peaceful sleep, I said a silent prayer. To whatever God or higher divine power it may concern, all I wanted for Christmas was Ashley. My Ashley. The one who laughed, who smiled, and who loved. As I sank from consciousness, I was lulled by the distant smell of pine needles.