"I need to tell you about my feelings back then when I lost our son"

 

"Tina you didn’ t lost him. We did. I lost him too, don’ t forget that."

 

"I know babe… I know. At least I know now. Well after the insamination, which by the way, was one of the best days in my life…"

 

"Even when the girls came and interrupted us?" Bette teased.

 

"Even then! And to tell you the truth, that moment I knew that I would be pregnant. You where there, by my side and I felt safe in your hands. And our family was there with us. It was like a promise from the Power above us that that insamination would have been the one witch would complete our family. The next few weeks I lost you. You were working late, you were nervous with your work because it was the time when the problems started. I was lonely. I wanted so bad to touch you, to make you feel better but you didn’ t let me. You were talking about your problems but when I was trying to help you, you were pushing me away. You had this idea in your head that they were your problems and not mine. And before you say anything, I know why you were acting like this. You didn’ t want me to worry about a thing. I know that. But your work always were a big part of your life and when you pushed me away, you pushed me away from a part of your life. I wasn’ t feeling equal to you. I was losing my identity. I wasn’ t Tina Kennard Porter. I was Bette Porter’ s wife. I was trying to convince myself that when the baby would have born, things would be different. But then… the miscarriage! I was alone with the doctor. One more time, you weren’ t there. When she told me the bad news… well I broke in one thousant pieces. It was like one part of me died that day with him. And I was so lonely! I don’ t know how I got home. Although the doctor explained to me what happened, I felt like half woman. All I could think was that I had failed you, that I wasn’ t woman enough for you. I couldn’ t give you the family you wanted, that I did something wrong and I lost our baby. I felt nothing when you came home and hugged me. I felt empty and I was so scared that you will leave me…" Tears was falling from both of them