I hate this ride. I feel so sick. Tonya is squealing in my ear and I just want this stupid ride to end. In one of the other pods I can see Alice and Chris as we whiz by them. They were hysterically laughing and screaming. After deciding that Alice was lonely now that I was engaged, Tonya got on a kick about finding someone to set Alice up with. Which brought about this double date to the Santa Monica Pier. I am pretty sure I think this was a good idea.

Over the past several weeks things have been really intense with Alice. It was never like that with Al – it has always been comfortable. I have never been more comfortable with anyone in my life. And now, I have never been more confused. When Alice came over at 4 AM and kissed me I was so surprised I nearly fell over. What surprised me more was that I kissed her back. Not just any kiss, but a passionate, burning kiss. It was definitely more intense than any kiss I’ve ever had with Tonya. I mean, I’m in love with Tonya – but where did that come from?

Soon after our second kiss in the bathroom at The Planet, we created the rules of attraction, which were working Great! Let me tell you, they were working so well. Aside from the times when we are alone with one another and all I can see were those lips, those tits, those deep dark eyes that seem to be pulling me toward them.

It must be the guilt from these intimate occasions that cause me to be so mean to her when we are with the group. Well, maybe not mean but I find myself picking on her more than usual.  What was that about? I think I am being snippy with her to try to cover up the feelings I have when we are alone. Or guilt from the glances that we steal when we think no one else is looking, or how I like to look at her when she’s not looking. I am so scared someone is going to catch us. That someone, namely Tonya, will see us. And if they saw this – they would know, they would know about the kisses and the almost kisses, and what is going on. And just what is going on, I have no idea. But I know I need to stop it. I’m engaged for God’s sake. I’m in love. Tonya has her quirks but she is so great to me. That is why Tonya’s plan was such a good idea. Maybe Alice will meet someone and then we can stop this crazy game we seem to be playing and go back to being how we were. We can go back to times when I could hang out with her and not want to kiss the daylights out of her.