The room is blinding… it hurts to open my eyes. It hurts to move my head, and I want to lie here forever. I can hear the floor creek under her feet, the bottom of her pant legs sweeping against the tile in the kitchen. The soft thuds and sizzling of food being made. I can hear it and I don’t know where I am. I don’t know how I got here…and I don’t care because I know she’s in the next room. That we have to talk…that we can talk.

What are you going to talk about Shane? Are you going to tell her the truth or are you going to lie? Are you ready for this to happen…to tell her that you’re not going to fight to live. That you’ve given up.

I guess she took off my shoes and socks…or maybe I did. The room moves, it spins and spins the walls collapsing in on me and I can feel the floor disappear. I hit the bed, the thud causing the foot steps to pause. That causes them to speed up, and the door to fly open.

I always thought she was the most beautiful in the morning. When her hair was messy, and wavy…when she would smile at me. Why isn’t she smiling now? Will she smile if I ask?

She’s not smiling because she’s scared Shane. She’s confused, and alone like you. I get why you like her…she has great assets.

“What happened? Are you ok?” her voice is full of worry, her brow knitted together.

“Got up too fast…bit of a head rush.” that’s what it was right? Maybe I should ask Doctor Morgan what it really was. “I’m really here, right?”

She tries to hide this smile; she covers her mouth and looks away. Did I just make her smile? Did she just let me in because they told her? Why did I just shout it out like that? Why am I dragging her through this?

Because you’re selfish shaney…haven’t we gone over this?

“Yeah Shane you’re really here…lying in my bed.” she has this mischievous smile on her lips…one that I know too well.

My heart is starting to race…it’s fucked up beat the only thing I hear. Her shirt hangs off of her perfectly, showing just the right amount of skin to make my palms sweat. To make me think of ripping it off of her…of throwing her against the wall. Of making her scream…over and over again.