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Sunday Night, In Between (Time of Day 14)
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Friend with benefits? Tina had to admit to herself how many times she’d had the fantasy of Bette coming over, saying she couldn’t live without her, and the two of them falling into a passionate embrace. Or perhaps sneaking up upon Bette at her office, her home, or in some non-descript restroom, and just making a move that was so brazen, but so effective. In either scenario, mind-blowing sex ensued.
Such fantasies never seemed to include the baby waking up, or the reality that if Bette at this moment were single, that means that the last thing she’d probably want, immediately, was to jump into a new relationship.
If, by chance, suddenly single Bette did want a new relationship that was almost worse. That sounded like rebound woman. Tina didn’t want to be rebound woman. That spot was always temporary, at best. No, whatever was going to happen, Tina knew that the only option she desired was a permanent position.
This is where the hard work came in. Not attacking Bette if that window opened. Tina could feel herself flush as she recalled how the two of them reconnected after an ultrasound appointment.
While she tried to write it all off as hormones, it was far more. There would always be a place in Tina that could only be satisfied by Bette. She had tried other options, Helena, Henry, and found each wanting.
Kate wasn’t even on the map of options. Taking another sip of wine, Tina tried to not laugh at herself for even thinking there could be anything with Kate. Not that she ever really had those thoughts but Bette seemed to have them. Kate was never lacking in confidence in her own desirability. Even Jenny had made weird mutterings about Tina wanting Kate. But Tina knew that she and the director could never work.
No, there would be no Kate in her life. Right now there was only one contender for her heart, even if that woman wasn’t interested in claiming that spot.
She stared at the quiet phone, again checking its signal. Even if that woman wouldn’t call.
Reclining on the couch, Tina reasoned her plan in the short term. This would be her plan regardless of Bette’s current status with Jodi.
First, she knew that she and Bette were destined for each other. That didn’t mean that Bette understood. Still, she knew that getting back together was the best decision for each.
Second, she had to let Bette come to that understanding all on her own. Trying to force Bette to come to any other decision, especially while Bette was still pursuing Jodi, could only make Tina look desperate, at best.
Third, she had to remain her own person, with or without Bette. After all, the last time she was totally dependent on Bette, she’d totally lost herself – and then lost Bette. When Bette was lost, Tina was again unable to help, she was too much into the role of the dependent.
No, at this point, she had an understanding of autonomy that didn’t require a complete separation. It did require an understanding and faith in herself that, at prior times in her relationship with Bette, she was unable to accept. It also required that she have faith in Bette. Regardless.
That was another problem in the past, dependence upon Bette. She had to accept that sometimes, Bette would need her support. Sometimes, Bette might need space to change, to grow. Tina had to consider this separation as one of those times.
After all, if this were just a separation, then she could still have hope.
As she sipped the last of the wine, sweater wrapped around her shoulders, Tina fell asleep on the couch. Her hand grasped the cell phone that, all evening, had been silent.
Once upon a time at home
I sat beside the telephone
Waiting for someone to pull me through
When at last it didn’t ring I knew it wasn’t you
(the end)
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Always well written but this is somber. Too much thought and planning necessary to snare Bette. LOL.
Love your writing, darling…Intriguing :) thanks pps!
Aw, poor Tina… it’s horrid to be let down, even when you know better than to have gotten your hopes that far up in the first place. So dense. Bette is just so dense, sometimes. Al’s right, Angie’s mommies are silly. Excellent update, pseud, thanks.
I’d say Tina needs to look into another contingency plan, namely that of how to pull two heads out their respective assholes.
funnyone has a point. Maybe next time Tina could think in the bathroom. Preferably while in the shower because it’s much sexier than picturing Tina forming plans in her head while on the toilet. Anyway, the bathroom is my optimum place for thinking.
Great. Contemplative Tina is always interesting. Thanks.
Thats sad poor Tina!
Pseud, That was wonderful. I do love this contemplative Tina. Reassessing the past and planning the future was brilliant. Tina now knows what she has to do to get Bette back. I still believe that Jodi’s lack of committment to one person will raise its head in the future and put her relationship with Bette in jeopardy. Then hopefully Tina will be there with open arms to comfort and support Bette. This will then re-ignite their relationship. It will take patience and dedication to see this through. Let’s see if Tina now has the balls to follow through. Awesome adventure. Many thanks from Your Loyal Fan.
pseud I had to go back and write another comment on the previous post; funnyone enjoy your comments and after reading this had to go back and comment on your comment on the last post. See y’all next week.
I agree with ‘funnyone’ on this…in the shower Lament…I like the vision of T in the shower, eyes closed, imagining Bette in the shower with her, huh???? And meanwhile in NY or where the hell ever Bette is, she can be in the shower having had enuff of Jodi’s bullshit games, imagining T’s welcome when she sneaks up behind her and hops in that shower to lend Tina a hand or two…Mmmm yes I like that image…if only huh???
Now I’m more curious about what traspired between this night & dinner of next. Too much processing and not enough executing. Tough night for T. She needs to just jump in the ring and give it a fighting chance. Perhap there’s another chap out of order?? PS
This was a really fine chapter. It caused me to consider all the implications of their relationship. My mind is usually, “BetteandTina, allelsebedamned!!!” While Tina pondered, my mind slowed down and I pondered too. Thank you for this thoughtful chapter.
You can’t stop there
Tina is working through her head what she should do with different scenarios. I know that planning does not always work but understanding what to do in case this does take place is the best plan. Defense and then Offense is the only way to win a game. Even though this is not a game but real life it is best to be prepared.