Sharpen

             Up

                The

                      Knives 8

There’s blood on the sidewalk,

fear is all that I see.

No one can stop this,

 no on can set them free………

Ch 14

“What happened to you in Antarctica?” A whisper in the semi dark asks.

“What happened to me?”

“Yeah……tell me….I want to know.’

“What happened to me goes back way before I ever cracked the ice on the shores of Wilkes Point…..” I say feeling overtly dramatic running my hand thru my hair.

“Its ok if you don’t want to talk about it….”

Carmen, so soft so sweet. So full of life and promise. She limps back over to the bed. I don’t know where I am going feelings wise. And that is getting so weak. I know. She lies under the sheets. She turns out the light. I feel a draft coming in from the door. I feel so very cold down here.

I have been thinking to myself. I have come to the realization that this is a no win situation. I will either kill them, The Mother, The Artist…… all that remain in The Agency, or they will kill me, and most certainly kill poor sweet, warm, thoughtfully provoking Carmen over there. Two roads, two choices. The variables are; no one kills anyone, we vanish off the face off the earth, we run from out fate. We make love forever bound to each other by fear and then die. I think of the long term insanity that Carmen will be bound to if she stays with me. I think about all the ways her life will end. I think about why they cut us off from feeling. I think about how much I miss not feeling.

This draft is making me think stupid things.

I need to focus.

Carmen wants blood for blood. Blood in blood out……….. No, I will kill them all. I will kill them and end this, and send my soul to the dark place. Carmen will live a productive life. She will be sad and lost but aren’t we all? So if this is going to be it, if this is the first day of my last days……so to speak, then why am I sleeping on the floor? Why am I not wrapped in the arms of my goddess?