Sharpen

            Up

               The

                    Knives 11

I can’t breathe and arrive
with my style
so watch you watch me
fuck her just one more time
wait till my arms heal and I’ll
push you back but still you ain’t gone
pushing you back but still you ain’t gone
pushing you back but still you ain’t gone
I’ll fuckin push hard

Ch 20

We drive.

 We get lost.

 When we get lost we stop. Hands, fingers, lips, tongues and yes I am getting use to her body, the muscles, the shape of her mouth….other things. I am getting use to the way she kisses me when its done. I am getting use to most things about her. Its weird……..I could get into how weird, how strange to feel…… to have feelings for her…..but why even bother. One way or another its probably gonna end bad and bloody. Its just the way things are for me. Why would it be any other way?

Arguments in my mind. Arguments about what I should tell her. I should tell her that I like her being around, I should tell her a lot of things. Sometimes I open my mouth to say something looking at her while she drives. Instead I say nothing. Instead I take it out on her body when we stop. Instead I let my burning need do the talking. Instead I let my feelings and wishes and fears get swallowed up by my increasing desire to have my back and neck scratched and bloodied by her. Instead I take a deep breath, let it all out right? Inhale…exhale. Instead of her asking me about how I got my scars, instead I want to her give me news ones. Instead, I want the burn of her nails to kill away everything that has gone wrong with me, one new pain for another……..Instead of all of this, I tell her nothing and notice how much I no longer make sense in the grand scheme of things.

Her moans, her yells, her vocalization and dire realizations about my prowess and my feel and my smell more than I could want. More than I could ask for. Yet something is missing from all this…fucking and wanting and bloody screaming. Something we both can’t admit to. Something we booth do not want to say out loud. She hinted toward it. She let it slip. And now…….nothing…………..Something…..in the way…..yeah…….