~Chapter 17~ ‘I want to tell you just how good it feels, when you look at me that way’

When I wake up I am hungry. My stomach is growling and I carefully get out of bed. The headache is gone, thank god. I eat some leftovers from last night, and even though it’s probably not considered to be a healthy breakfast, it tastes delicious. I didn’t know Jenny was such a good cook. As I’m making coffee in front of the counter, Shane comes walking into the kitchen, looking sexy as hell wearing her usual wifebeater and boy cut undies. She wraps her arms around my waist from behind and pulls me close against her body. Mm, she smells like Shane.
‘You’re up early.’
‘So are you,’ I reply.
‘Yeah, I have an early appointment today. I didn’t know you’d already be back from Mexico.’
‘It’s okay babe,’ I reassure her.
‘So you’re feeling better today?’
‘Yeah, lots better. I could eat anything,’ I reply with a mischievous grin and I pour two cups of coffee. I hand her one and she flashes me a smile. ‘You’re really my girl,’ she murmurs and she kisses my cheek, before taking a sip from the hot liquid. I bite my lip, suddenly I do mind that she’s leaving. I wish we could go back to bed for awhile.
‘What are you thinking about?’ Shane asks. She takes a seat at the kitchen table and opens the newspaper. When I don’t answer, she looks up at me expectantly.
About you, naked, between my legs.
‘Oh, nothing!,’ I say quickly with a wave of my hand. ‘I was just wondering if you could drop me of at home on you’re way to work.’
‘Sure C.’

We leave early. Shane is wearing a white button-down shirt with a black tie. Sometimes I really hate the fact she’s irresistible, especially when I can’t have her. She playfully slaps my ass before I hop in the car. The closer she gets, the more I need her. I’m being fucking ridiculous. We drive in comfortable silence, but for the few directions I give her. I watch her driving, her face is concentrated yet peacefully in the morning sun. She catches me looking at her and chuckles.
‘Stop doing that.’
‘What?’ I ask innocently.
‘The staring.’
‘No. You’re beautiful.’
She chuckles and shakes her head, her eyes sparkling. I scoot closer to her and whisper in her ear. ‘And you’re mine.’ Her smile is unconscious, but I can tell by the look in her eyes that she’s not uncomfortable.
We pull up in front of the house. The doors and windows are closed, nobody’s home. Laura is probably at Jerry‘s house, Julian is at school and the rest of the family won’t be back until Friday.
‘This is it,’ I announce and I get out of the truck. Shane doesn’t make a move, and for a moment I’m afraid she’ll come up with some lame excuse, but then she gets out as well.
‘Are you sure?’ she asks hesitantly.
‘Yeah. Don’t you want to come in, check it out?’
‘I do..’ she glances at the house and then back at me. ‘But it could be dangerous.. for you.’
She’s so sweet, so thoughtful, and she doesn’t even know it. I smile and give her hand a gently tug, leading us to the porch. I struggle with the keys. She places her hand over mine and smiles warmly, helping me to unlock the front door. ‘Thanks,’ I murmur and my cheeks suddenly feel warm. We walk inside and she looks around the kitchen and the living area.
‘It’s pretty simple,’ I apologize, frantically adjusting the strap of my shoulder bag.
‘No, I like it,’ she says slowly and she turns around, a honest smile on her beautiful face. I chuckle, and I realize I’m nervous. This moment reminds me of those times when we had just met, when she used to watch every move I made from across the room, and when I caught her looking she flashed me that big, unguarded smile and then I felt so alive I thought I could die. I feel like that now, like we are flirting again.
‘Come on, I want to show you my room,’ I say and we go upstairs, walking fast. I close the door behind us. Shane stands in the middle of the room, her arms to her sides, taking in every detail. I’m suddenly very aware of the misleading girly innocence this room possesses. She stares at the pink walls with the family pictures.
‘This room used to be Laura’s,’ I tell her, ‘Pink was her favorite color.’ She chuckles softly and walks over to my desk, where I’ve put my turntables on.
‘She doesn’t live at home anymore?’
‘No, she moved out two years ago. She lives with her boyfriend now, oh correction: fiancé.’
She ignores the bitterness in my voice.
‘Oh,’ she whispers as her long fingers glide over the buttons. ‘What’s yours?’
‘Hm?’
‘You’re favorite color.’
I shouldn’t be so surprised, but I am. ‘Oh!.. I don’t know..,’ I stumble and she looks at me expectantly, I look in her eyes and say: ‘green.’ I go to stand next to her and I want a hand on her, but I don’t know where. Before my own hand reaches out she has pulled me close to her, her arms fitting snugly around my waist. I bury my head in her neck and smell her cologne. ‘Hmm,’ I murmur contently.
She kisses me, slowly, and I feel the familiar tickles down my spine. I always feel the way she makes me feel, even when she’s not around. I deepen the kiss, eagerly, and start unbuttoning her shirt. ‘No,’ she objects, pushing my hands down, ‘we can’t.’ I look at her surprised and confused, and then I chuckle because I know why she is holding back. It’s not because we don’t have enough time. ‘I’ve had sex with girls in my room before,’ I reassure her. She cocks her eyebrow meaningfully, ‘Oh really?’
‘Yeah.’
‘Kinky,’ she mutters. I grin as we get lost into another kiss. We stumble onto the bed together, giggling and struggling to get each others clothes of.
‘But has a girl ever made you come in this room?’ she whispers seductively, pressing her mouth against my collarbone. I think about it for awhile. There was Casey, this Asian chick who was a bartender at the club where I got my first job as a regular DJ, she was so hot. I went down on her. She came, I didn’t. When I just turned 18 I dated Jessica for awhile, a cute blonde, but we never got further than making out. In my bedroom that is. And of course there was Lucia. Incredibly beautiful Lucia, my first, and my worst, but still I would never take those moments back. Lucia sitting on her bed, naked, me kneeling in front of her, licking her until she screamed my name. Lucia lying on top of me, our skin moist because we had just taken a shower, looking into my eyes and telling me I was going to break a pretty girl’s heart someday. The bitch. She broke mine. But I don’t want to think about her right now.
‘No,’ I decide, ‘I used to be a top, remember?’
She chuckles and I can feel her nod against my breastbone. She leaves a kiss there. ‘A long time ago,’ she purrs, her lips wandering over my breasts. Oh god, I want her. She ducks her head, places openmouthed kisses along my neck. My whimper makes her grin. I wish I could touch her but she keeps my arms pinned above my head. ‘What do you want me to do?’
‘Anything. Everything,’ I say under my breath. I try to inhale deeply, but my lungs won’t let me. Her hands wander over my chest, down to my hips and they feel so good. I unzip my pants. She chuckles. ‘So that’s what you want?’
I nod, biting my lip. I cup her neck and draw her in, our faces only inches apart. ‘Fuck me,’ I whisper against her lips. And spend the rest of your life with me, please? She covers my mouth with her own and slips her hand between my legs. I part my lips and my legs at the same time, offering myself up to her touch. I look up at the ceiling and the pink color is disappearing, as the spots I’m seeing are taking over the walls..