The flight passed in a haze of sleep and vodka. I woke up mid flight to talk to Alice, but her and Tasha were nowhere to be seen. By now I’m sure theres two more members of the mile high club. Its alright if you can get it.

I hope Shay’s ok, it killed me to leave him at Paiges. Poor kid probably thinks he’s been abandoned again. I hope he realises I’m doing this for him, all of this is for Shay. I want to give him a real home, its something I never had and I know how much that hurts. Not to mention how Paige must feel. I’ve tried to cool it off with her but its difficult. At first I welcomed the attention, but she wanted more than I had to give. Everyone does. I swore to myself that I’d never make another promise I couldn’t keep, so I had to let Paige go. For her own sake.

I watched the sunrise from my window seat. The sky looked so beautiful. Its times like this that I miss Carmen the most. I remember how she’d wake me up early with a mug of coffee some mornings, drag me out to my truck half asleep and drive us to the beach to watch the sunrise. Its moments like that that make me realise how much I loved her, how I’d do anything to make her happy, how I made a huge mistake. I sit back and allow my mind to wander. I hope she’s ok, I hadn’t tried to contact her since the men in her family had made it very clear I wasn’t welcome anymore. I can’t blame them. I just wish I’d been sober enough to explain that the anger they felt was nothing compared to how angry I was with myself. I hope wherever she is, she’s happy. All I want is for her to be happy, and I couldn’t make her, I just hurt her more and more. That’s why I walked away, she deserved better than a screw up like me.

The flight attendants begin to move around the cabin, dishing out coffee and juice to the passengers who’d already woken up. I smile up at the cute, dark haired air hostess, thanking her for the coffee I switch the volume back up on my headphones, sinking into myself and wait for everyone to wake up.