Chapter 39 – Point of View

Sorry Im not here to take your call please leave a message at the beep. BEEP
Bette sorry I missed you, I had a great time at lunch yesterday. I was wondering if maybe we could get together for dinner. Ill come over and cook, let me know. As Tina was leaving this message Alice walks up behind her.
So hows it going between you and Porter? Alice asked.
Good I think. You know she is different but the same. Weve had a couple of good meetings, you know were connecting. She has a freedom with the things she use to hold so close. Tina responded. Still lost in her thoughts about Bette, Tina liked this new Bette but she really meant it when she said shes different but the same. The part that is different about Bette now is that the sincerity and honesty that Bette demonstrates so openly and moves easily with where before she struggled. These issues of openness were there but just hard for her to express her true feelings without going through a lot of gyrations. Often Tina was the only one to get a little glimpse of this struggle.
Yeah, I noticed that she isnt positioning. Its almost like she thinks about others feelings and their well being and that becomes foremost. Alice observed. I need to get a hold of Bette. Ive got this art critic all over me. Do you think this new freedom will allow me to introduce them? Alice asked.
I dont know, Bette didnt seem too keen on the idea. Tina countered. You know I havent seen all of Bettes paintings myself. Im sort of hoping to cook her dinner and ask to see them. Tina said.
Hum, well have to see about that. Alice said as she thought of how she was going to get this critic in front of Bette. Maybe they needed to go have lunch at a certain Farmers Market.
Well good luck, you must have been able to get your questions answered. Alice said as she didnt want Tina to guess what she was really thinking.
Well not really, Im hoping to get that done at dinner also. Tina now was crossing her fingers as she said this.

Tina was humming away as she chopped up the cashews. She was making a Thai dish of coconut cashew sauce over chicken with noodles. She was having to ad-lib a little in Bettes kitchen as theres not some of the essential kitchen gadgets that Tina was so use to having. But the ad-libs seem to be working and dinner is almost ready.

Bette had been upstairs cleaning up brushes and organizing her paint supplies. Having finished up, she was now standing in the doorway to the kitchen. The sweet sound of Tinas voice chased away from Bettes mind any thoughts other than how wonderful it was having Tina here right at this moment. As Tina becomes aware of Bettes presence, Bette is startled out of her trance. But Tina saw the look.
Hey, Im almost done here, where do you want to eat? Tina asked.

Bette and Tina agreed that outside would be nice and headed out each carrying a plate of food.
You know I could get spoiled with your cooking. I usually go to Kits once a week and then I try to mooch leftovers from her. Bette started the conversation. Dinner was great and Tina and Bette settled into an easy exchange.
Here let me take care of the plates after all you cooked. Bette volunteered after they had finished.
Actually Bette, I was hoping to get to view some of your paintings. Would that be possible? Tina inquired.
Bette hesitates for a few seconds and then tried to make a joke: Hey thats supposed to be my pick up line, you know, do you want to see my etchings? Bette pauses another moment and then says: No, I mean sure, why dont you head up while I clean up the dishes, OK?

Tina heads upstairs. There are paintings everywhere. All together Tina counted seven stacks of paintings leaning up against the walls. They seem to be organized in some fashion that Tina couldnt quite grasp. From the looks of the front pictures in each stack they seem maybe to be organized by color. The first stack is really dark and they progress with each stack revealing more colors. She walks up to the first stack and begins to thumb through them. Each painting in this stack seems to be dark, not only in color but emotion. Tina is overwhelmed by how ugly some of the depictions are. The brush strokes used and the colors combine for visions of pure hate and misery. The intensity of these visions hit Tina in the stomach nearly taking her air, making her light headed. The overall effect is frightening to Tina, clouding her thinking and leaving her in a raw emotional state. She kept thinking these are Bettes emotions. This is what she felt. Starring at these pictures, feeling every emotion that Bette translated here, Tinas head begins to clear. Every negative feeling or emotion that Tina could think of seemed to be expressed. She names them in her head as she views them:

Pain, Sorrow, Regret, Betrayal, Mourning, Abuse, Mistreatment, Distrust, Cruelty, Treachery, Violence, Duplicity, Infidelity, Disloyalty, Deceit, Neglect, Exploitation, Lying, Grief, Doubt, Sadness, Mistrust.

The weight of all this out pouring of sadness made Tina weak in the knees, she had to sit down on the floor. How could Bette have released such violence? The depth of the pain expressed shook Tina. Tina was trying to compare the magnitude of her own anger with the depth of this despair as expressed in these paintings. After what seemed like an eternity Tina got up and moved to the next stack. Here Tina could see the healing process taking place. The paintings had more color and seemed to begin to reflect the beginnings of Bette making peace with the brutality of the negative emotions. These paintings could actually be described as pretty. It becomes clear to Tina that the stacks are organized by emotions. Tina worked her way through almost the entire room feeling many of Bettes emotions before she made an appearance.

Bette had been afraid to go up and see Tinas reactions. She had finished the dishes and sat down in the living room determined to wait for Tina there. She knew Tina would have questions. Bette just felt better prepared to answer those if she was removed from the actual paintings. Some of the representations still to this day had the ability to make Bette feel like salt was being rubbed in her wounds. The foremost thought in Bettes mind was that she needed to be honest with Tina. Those painting represented the naked truth. Sometimes the true isnt pretty. After waiting for over two hours Bette made her way upstairs. Afraid of what she would find Bette entered the room as quietly as she could.

Bette found Tina intently staring at a group of paintings which Bette knew represented loss and despair. The look of pain on Tinas face was Bettes undoing. She was trying to hold back the tears but seeing Tina in pain because of her made Bette gasp in her own pain. Not again, I cant be causing Tina such pain again. Bette thought.

Tina heard the gasp and turned around immediately. Seeing the frightened Bette, Tina flew across the room pulling Bette into a full body embrace before Bette realized Tinas intent.

Bette, My God, Im so sorry. Was all Tina could say over and over again. Bette finally relinquished and allowed her body to slump into Tina.