I couldnt lie anymore. I just couldnt. So a week after the kiss I had to tell Eric. I had to tell him that I kissed a woman. The woman he thought was amazing. And how did he take it? He laughed his ***** off thats what! He couldnt believe it he thought I was joking! Then I told him how Ive felt so guilty about it. And told him it was just a kiss. Being the understanding boyfriend that he is, he laughed about it and said its nothing and its just water under the bridge.

Well, that was last week. This week its different. The more I push the feelings aside, the more it came to haunt me. The more time I spent with Eric, the more I realise how Ive been lying, not just to him but to myself. Who am I kidding? I do have strong feelings for Bette but I just couldnt act on all feelings that come. I love Eric but am I IN LOVE with him? Thats a different story. Ive been trying to act normal with Eric, I wanted to make it work but it just got harder and harder. Erics been wonderful to me, all the months weve been together. And I just couldnt hurt him.

The lying has been going on too long for my comfort. If I lie to him another day, Id probably drive myself crazy. I keep thinking how this lie would kill us both, Eric and I. And how hurt ***** be once he find out Ive been having this feeling for someone. I keep imagining things; like me saying Bettes name in my sleep, while Eric lay beside me. And my sudden interest in checking girls out? I really dont know how I got here. I mean, Im not ***** or anything.

I came home from work but Eric wasnt there. I really needed to talk to him. So I called and left a message on his phone that Id be coming over in an hour or so. I took my shower going over what I wanted to say to him. First Id tell him how lucky I am to have him. Then Id tell him how much I love him. Third Id tell him I only want the best for us both. Then I could go on to tell him how the me in this state wouldnt make him happy cos right now Im just a confused woman. Right, as if that would come out smoothly. I dried myself and drove to Erics.

I was so nervous I could feel my hands get cold. I wondered if I should use my key or just knock on the door. Before I could make my mind up, Eric opened the door.

Eric: Hey babe, I thought it was you.

Eric kissed me on my lips. God this would be hard.

Eric: Are you ok babe? You sounded edgy on the machine.

Tina: Yeah Im ok.

Eric: You sure?

Eric walked over to get some drinks for us both, looking at me. And Im sure from the look I got from him; he really is worried about me. He brought two tall glasses and a bottle of Don Perignon and poured each of us a glass. Thats the thing with Eric; he always gets the best of everything, even wines. As for me I love simple things

Tina: Yes Im sure. Listen Eric

Eric: Oh you wouldnt believe what happened at work today. You remember Andrew right? Someone caught him making out with Jessica and they know too damn well it was against companys policy to have a relationship at work. And it was stated clear in the regulations that Oh sorry babe, Im just babbling on about work today. Its just that Andrews one of the best dealer and he offered to resign so Jessica wouldnt have to! Can you believe? Oh honey, are you really sure youre ok?

He brought his wine glass down and placed it on the table. He took my hands in his and sat me down next to him.

Tina: Eric I, I need to talk to you about something.

God this couldnt have come at the wrong time! Eric looked worried but kept his cool.

Eric: What is it Tina? You know Ive been worried about you these past week, is there something going on?

*****, what was it that I planned to tell him? My heart raced, feeling the nervousness hit me again. I tried to recall what I had planned on telling him tonight, verse by verse. But theyre all jumbled up in my mind I couldnt figure out which one I was supposed to tell him first. So I just blurted out the first thing I remembered.

Tina: Eric I cant be with you anymore

Eric stares at me not saying a word. He just looked at me in my eyes not even blinking. His hands felt cold. Now what have I done? The silent was more than I could take.

Tina: Eric? Say something.

He dropped my hands and pulled his head back and laughed. I was now as confused as ever. Why was he laughing?

Tina: Eric? Im really sorry, its just that with the state that I am in, I dont think Im in any position to be able to make you happy.

Eric: Happy? I shouldve known better. Youre in love with someone else right Tina?

Tina: Eric! Its not about another person, its about me, how I havent been myself lately!

Eric: Yourself? I think this is well about another person. Why else would you recoil every time I touch you? Tell me Tina, who is it? Who is this *****?

Tina: Enough Eric, I told you there is no one. (this might be another lie but really I havent been with anyone)

Eric looked at his empty wine glass intently, not really seeing it; more deep in thoughts. He stood up ran his fingers in his silky smooth hair.

Eric: Christ! I shouldve seen it coming. I cant believe you Tina. I thought you might be the one for me and now this?

Tina: Im so sorry Eric, I dont want to have to lie to you again, Im just as confused as you are. I dont know what is wrong with me I just need to figure this out, on my own.

Eric: I knew it! Its Bette isnt it? *****! Did she ***** you Tina? *****! How could you even *****! She doesnt even have a *****!

Eric took the bottle of wine and drank directly from it. Sigh.

Tina: Eric I told you this is not about her. I havent seen her I told you that. Im just confused and I need time on my own. And in the meantime I cant be with someone when I have doubts. Its not fair to you and its not fair to me either.

Eric: Ill tell you whats unfair! This! You and me! We had it all Tina. I gave everything you wanted. And you just had to go and ***** it all up! Christ!

Tina: Im really sorry Eric, I really am.

I walked over to him but he just signalled me to stop.

Eric: Enough Tina. You do whatever you want, ok? Im tired of this game.

I took one last look, turned around and walked towards my car. *****! I didnt think it would end this bad! God, who am I kidding? Break ups are always bad! I drove around unsure where to go. I just had a lot on my mind. Eric, Im really really sorry. It wasnt my intention to hurt him. Six months down the drain! I looked out the window on the empty streets. God, LA can be so empty and lonely. I remember when I moved to LA, how I thought this would be the place where I can start afresh! And now Ive only ever known a few people, nine months in LA and Eric was there to save me. He was my best friend, my lover my everything. So when did things change?

The kiss thats what! I cant believe, one little kiss can turn my whole life upside down. And what is it about Bette that made me think twice about my relationship with Eric? And what is it about her that made me want to explore the hidden part of me? I drove for a good half hour and stopped just outside of the place where it all started; The Bette Porter Gallery! It was late but the lights were on. I sat in my car, thoughts running in my head.

I climbed out of my car and started walking towards the front entrance. I dont know what I was doing here, I wanted to turn around and run to my car but somehow my feet just kept walking. Just as I reached the entrance, the door opened and I heard the sweet, ***** voice which has been haunting me in my sleep.