I sat in my office still thinking about the kiss and still thinking why Im not myself. The kiss was the best Ive had and she was the most beautiful woman Ive seen. Something really is wrong with me. Last night at Riff I even rejected Louise. I mean Louise for gods sake. I was at the bar getting my drink when she placed her hand on my right shoulder.

Louise: Hey there Bette. Havent seen you around in a while.

Bette: Oh hey Louise. How are you?

Louise: You know, we can quit playing this game. Where have you been?

Bette: Uhm Ive just been busy. You should stop by at the gallery then youd see what Ive been up to.

Louise: Really? Why dont we go there NOW and you can show me.

She placed her hand on my hips, ready to make her usual move which usually would excite me. But then I really was not in the mood. God what is wrong with me? This is Louise for gods sake. Hot blonde babe I have one night stands with, well if you can call it that. Weve been playing this game for ages and been back and forth in each others apartment. Usually Id say yeah lets go but tonight, I just didnt feel like it. So I left. Even Alice and Dana who were there were all surprised. I know what Alice must be thinking, Im sure it must have been me trying to win the dare.

I looked at my computer screen. Hmm I was supposed to be doing some research on new artists for my next show but something was bothering me. I checked my watch, and its only ten. Theres only one thing to do to pass the time. I picked up the receiver and dialled the number of someone who I know would help me kill time.

Bette: Hey

Alice: Hey yourself. Why did you leave so abruptly last night? Whats the matter with you?

Bette: What are you doing for lunch? I thought you know, maybe we could go grab something

Alice: Nice try Bette. Who did you think you were talking to? Really?

Bette: Hey! So are you free for lunch? Or am I gonna have to ask someone else?

Alice: Lunch is fine as long as youre buying. So whats up? You feeling ok?

Bette: Yeah yeah Im good. I just had to get away last night. Louise was all over me and

Alice: And thats a bad thing? I thought you two were

Bette: Yeah we ARE but I just didnt feel like it last night.

Im sure Ive had Alice confused by now.

Alice: Hold on! Are you telling me that Bette Porter didnt feel like getting laid?!?!?

This conversation is going no where! And she isnt helping at all. I looked at the clock and its only 10.05am. This isnt going to work.

Bette: Funny Al! You know what? I have to go. Ill see you lunch at Twenty Third. Bye.

Just when I needed to kill time, Alice has to come killing me with her interrogation! I stood up looked out of my window and sigh. Such a nice day. I wish I had someone to share it with. OH MY GOD! Did I just say that? Did I really say that? I was thinking it? I shook my head in disbelief. Would someone please pinch me cos I feel like Im dreaming here!

I sat back down looked at the clock again. Hmm only moved by three minutes! I looked at my watch, same time! I need to do something to get my mind of this, this I couldnt even tell what it is! She said Ill see you. So that means we will meet again! But how? And when? I just have to get her off my mind! This is driving me crazy, I couldnt even concentrate on my work!

I heard a knock on the door. Thank god, Im just going crazy in this office!

Bette: Yes Jason?

Jason: Sorry Miss erm Bette. Are you busy? I tried the intercom but I couldnt get through. Someone is here to see you?

Bette: Really? I thought I didnt have any appointments today.

I checked the phone and no wonder he couldnt get through. The receiver wasnt placed properly.

Jason: Erm yeah I mean I checked your schedule and you dont have any appointments today. I guess she just wanted to see you about something?

I was kind of getting annoyed for the interruption cos I was hoping I could clear my head and sort out what was really bothering me of course apart from the kiss yesterday.

Bette: She? Well I thought I could do research on some new artists for the next show which is just two months away. And maybe visit one of them today; like this Armand guy.

Jason: Oh ok. Its the lady from yesterday, Miss Kennard? If you want I could tell her youre busy and to come at a different time?

Tina?!?! Shes here? Oh my god. My heart started to race. My head feels light and I just couldnt say anything. I sat there still staring at Jason but not really seeing him. I was picturing Tina in the office.

Jason: Erm… Bette. I guess by your silence I should tell her to go?

Bette: NO!

Oops I said that a little too quickly! What must Jason think? Hmm

Bette: I mean Im ok for now. You can bring her in.

Jason: Erm are you sure? You look like you have a lot on your hands now.

Bette: Yes positive. I can do that tomorrow

Jason looked at me all weird and left my office. I dont blame him. I have been acting weird ever since I met her. I straightened myself out and checked my reflection in the mirror. Doing pretty good Id say. I practiced my smile. Perfect! Ok here she comes.

I took a deep breath. Tina came in and flashed me a smile. I on the other hand had been smiling ever since I heard she was there. My feet were rooted to the floor. I didnt know how to greet her; should I extend my arm or should I pull her into a kiss or enough Porter. So I just continued smiling.

Tina: Im sorry to come unannounced Be

Bette: No no no. Its no problem.

Tina: Umm I couldnt help but overheard you wanted to do some research? I could come another time if thats ok with you?

Bette: No its fine. Really! I could do that tomorrow. Please have a seat.

The sight of her just took my breath away. I wanted to tell her how beautiful she looked and how she has been on my mind all day and all of yesterday. But it wasnt my place to say. And what if she didnt feel the same way about me? That she hadnt thought of me even for one second? I never get rejected and if Tina were to say that she hadnt thought of me, how am I supposed to handle that? Maybe Im just blowing this out of proportion!

This is just crazy!

Tina: Im sorry? You think it is too?

Oh my god. Did I just say that out loud? Oh *****!

Bette: Umm

***** ***** *****! Ive never been so nervous in my whole life!

Tina: Bette?

I think this is it. I have to tell her whats going on.

Bette: Tina, Im really sorry. Im really sorry for kissing you yesterday. I just couldnt help it but youre all I could think of and

She raised her hand to signal me to stop.

Tina: Bette thats really sweet but I am straight. I have a boyfriend. Yesterday was, it was, different. It was sweet but

Oh no. Here comes the BUT! God I couldnt even begin to describe how I feel right now. Ive never been rejected and now?

Bette: But?

Tina: Im just confused. I mean Ive never kissed a woman before and

I could see Tina hesitating but I just kept quiet. I wanted to hear what she has to say.

Tina: Eric loves me and I just dont think it was such a good idea. Im sorry. It was just a kiss right? I hope you can understand.

Bette: Ok. Im sorry too

Mostly for the reason that you didnt feel the same way! God Im so hopeless. Telling her how I felt. I didnt even know her!

Tina: Its ok Bette Im sorry too. I just wanted to make it clear to you thats all. Thank you for understanding.

And with that she left me standing facing the door, my heart breaking with each word she had uttered. Then it hit me. Im so fucked! Im actually falling for someone and to make matters worse, that someone don’t even want me!