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Hockey Night in Canada: Getting Ready to Ruuuumble
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And hell yeah,
I’m the motherfucking princess….
She’s like,
SO whatever,
You could do
SO much better
I think we should get together now
And that’s what everyone’s talking bout…
“Fuck you, just FUCK you and your little dog to!”
The ice rink fell silent as everyone looked to where Bette and Jenny skated in circles around one another. Jenny had, as she always did, brought her stupid little inbred dog (poor thing, it wasn’t his fault that he was inbred and overpriced) to their hockey.
Determined to have herself a hockey fight, Bette tugged at Jenny’s jersey. The shorter woman stumbled a bit.
Jenny smacked the side of Bette’s helmet. It hurt her hand.
Bette awkwardly punched Jenny’s chest guard. Jenny didn’t feel a thing.
“You’re only going to hurt yourselves…” Helena shouted. She glanced down with disdain at the jersey Tina had chosen for her. “What did you call this jersey? Blackhawks…isn’t this image a tad racist?”
Tina nodded tersely. “I thought we could use it as a teaching tool, for discussions of racism in team professional sports.” Her look challenged Helena to disagree with her.
“Oh crap.” Shane sighed. She skated to the sidelines, found her thermos of espresso (9 shots worth) and undid the lid hurridly. “Fucking hockey…” She mumbled. “are we in Canada—is that why we’re playing fucking hockey? When did we get to Canada?”
“Shaney, we’re in Vancouver, remember? You drove here with us…” Alice had skated up beside Shane, reminding her gently that her drug induced amnesia had erased an entire road trip. It was probably not a bad thing to erase, given that Tina and Helena were now fighting (after Helena seduced Bette in the back of their limo, only hours after Tina and Bette had announced their monogamous and much anticipated back-togetherness); Alice and Jenny nearly caused a highway collision (after Jenny’s dog peed in Alice’s lap whilst Alice drove); and Helena’s ex, Dusty, and Alice’s ex, Tasha, had to keep them all out of a brawl when Alice loudly insulted a group of bikers on route to the border.
“Why are we here?” Tasha asked Dusty in a low voice.
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Amusing. Like the basketball game but hockey is much more violent. Good job
Why do you post stuff when I have to leave? I’ll read you later. Promise.
Speaking of which, I recently saw in a talk show with Jennifer, one I had not seen and I thought I had seen all of them, that her husband was teaching her how to play hockey..and she didn’t even know before that how to skate…Am I the only one who missed this? Anyway I cannot imagine our Jennifer, sweet, shy, cultured, enjoying this sport! The fic was like the basketball game, but hb, dear hb, have we lost you as a wonderful Belena writer forever?? We had so few, and those that dabble too long in the Dark Side may be trapped there! I hope things are better with your family. Hugz!
nope, i’m still a belena writer. i posted two ligeia chapters about a week ago, and i’m working on planet terror tonite. bette and helena smut shall soon appear:)
“Fuck you, just FUCK you and your little dog too!” Best. Line. Ever. I’m one of the five Canadians who does not share the national obsession with hockey, but I’d pay serious coin to see the L word ladies re-enact this story in my local arena. During one of her appearances on the Late Late Show, Jennifer did say she loved hockey and that her daughter was watching it on the tube at the grand old age of two months. Go figure.
I’m one of the five too rufus! Though this looks like this was a commnetary on a Flames / Oilers game! LOL Great one hb!
At least Jenny didn’t spit her gum at somebody. Remarkably restrained of her. She WOULD have a horrible dog that pees on people. I bet it bites and barked the whole way up from LA. I’ve only played field hockey-I wish we had those nice heavy gloves like the icy players-I might not have fractured my index finger between my stick and the other girl’s. And I bet our winger would have liked the big shin pads, which would have saved her shin from that quite large divot. For a senior she cried real loud. Ah, good times. Sounds like B & T are off again. But that Sandra Oh is really talented. As an actress and a surgeon. But how much damage could a spleen sized bomb do?
as funny says..yay funny is back, B and T are off again, I vote for OFF, and B and H ON. Now how big is a spleen anyway, and I imagine a bomb of any size could do something. I can just see Jenny lounging around on the edges of the rink, drinking coffee screaming ” I told you not to pass the puck to me” while Bette tears everyone’s heads off, “damn, we’re losing”, tina doesn’t seem to know what team she is playing on but I have a helpful suggestion for her and Helena is their secret weapon! Hey I liked playing field hockey when I was in HS..much more civilized than ice hockey! Though, it wasn’t in that interview that Jennifer was talking about learning it, but she said her husband plays it, and she is learning,and in the interview hb mentioned she said the baby loves it…how lovely, a nice, violent, blood dripping, teeth spitting game for the whole family to enjoy together!
Hockey? *Ice* hockey? Bette? Helena? Hockey? Angry (hot) Tina? Hockey? Crazy Jenny? Hockey? Dusty? Tasha? Hockey? HOCKEY??!?? ……. (excuse me, whilst my feeble brain goes on pleasure overload.) Btw, I liked your take on Sandra Oh’s turn as MacGyver. One day, I, too, hope to save the world with a Tootsie Roll pop stick and an empty Yoo-hoo bottle. I want more, hb… post soonish please. cheers
I found it!! The interview I spoke of in which Jennifer mentions learning how to play hockey was on the Daily Show with Jon Stewart, July 26, 2000. As I said, I had not known of it til I recently saw it. She is soooooooo cute in this one. She feels very comfortable with Jon, she knows him well,apparently and she is just adorable. She is also wearing a black velvet sleeveless top, cut VERY LOW…my is it getting warm in here?
Hello My Friend, that was so freaking awesome… Hockey Night in Canada (where was Don Cherry to host this shin dig)hehe… that would have been some awesome commentary :P… You really love to de-construct these characters to their baser selves… I was in the ACC last night and I could just imagine something like this happening… you are brilliant my friend… just completely super brilliant… any chance of some Matrix(y) fun soon… hmmmmm… I’ll be sending you something most likely later today (Friday)… take care and have fun… Sincerely, JC
loved it HB!!! BeNNy was so funny, I loved their ‘fight’ !!! The hockey game was awesome!