Tina walked inside and began angrily pulling at the zippers on her travel bag.

“No, she hasn’t called.  And you know this is just like her.  She gets an idea in her head and she goes with it rather than thinking it through.  I can totally have her arrested, Alice, I mean didn’t she consider that at all?  How would a kidnapping arrest look on a job application?”

Dana quickly turned and said, “Arrested?   She wouldn’t have Bette arrested, would she?”

Alice just shrugged and said, “I doubt it, I think she’s just angry.”

Tina:  “Who?”

Alice: “Huh?”

Tina continued, “You said she’s just angry.  You mean Bette?  Bette’s angry?”

Alice: “Yeah, um, she’s just angry, Tina, she’ll cool off and…come…back…”

Tina interrupted, “Bette doesn’t have a right to be angry, Alice.  She’s the one who was going to sue me for sole custody of Angelica, remember?”

As Tina stormed off toward the bedroom, Alice and Dana giggled.  “Well excuse us, Drama Queen!”

They were loading Max’s truck when the taxi pulled up.  An embarrassed Helena stepped out and began waving Alice over as she walked toward the now open trunk.  Pulling down her Jackie O’s, she said, “Be a dear, will you, Alice, and help me with my bags.”  The cab driver’s cough made Helena’s eyes begin to tear, and Alice reached into her pocket.  “I’ll pay him, Helena, don’t worry, you can buy me breakfast on the road.”

Helena threw the last bag onto the curb and dramatically resting a hand across her forehead, said, “I don’t even think I could afford that, Alice.  I shouldn’t even be going with you all to Mexico.  I have some nerve letting you pay my way.  But, this is what my life has become.  I’m one of…them, now.”  Helena threw her chin in Max and Jenny’s direction before collapsing onto the lawn next to her Louis Vuitton tote. 

Dana: “Uh, oh, looks like someone needs a “pep” talk.”

Alice: “I was just thinking the same thing.”

Helena: “What?”

Alice: “Huh?”

Helena: “You just said that you were thinking the same…”

Alice: “Uh…Helena, the point is you’ll never be one of them, or even one of me because you’re Helena fucking Peabody, million-heiress to the great Peabody fortune.  Now get the fuck up and let’s get you some coffee.  It’s a long bumpy road to Mexico….and…well…only a matter of time before your mother gets fucked to death.  You’ll be filthy rich and back to your poor spending habits in no time at all, so let’s quit it with all this…self loathing bullshit!”

Helena thought about it.  “Well, my mother does seem to be having an awful amount of sex lately.  And of course she’ll leave her fortune to me.   You know, you’re right, Alice.  And I’ll pay back every penny I’ve borrowed from you when the old bitch finally kicks the bucket, I promise.”

Alice reached out and helping Helena up, said, “That-a-girl.  Now get the hell over there and make Max load your bags into the truck.”

As Helena walked away, Dana folded her arms and said, “Self loathing, bullshit, huh?”

Alice:  “Well, it worked on you, so I went with it.  Why, too much?”

Dana: “And why are we going to Mexico, again?”

Tina called out, “Alice, come on, we should get going.”

Alice: “Well, Tina wants her daughter back.”

Dana smiled.  “And we’re going because….”

Alice shrugged, “Well, someone has to make sure Tina doesn’t kill Bette.”