“Are you sure that’s all you were looking in on?” Alice asked in her most mischievous voice.

“I swear, it’s not like I was looking in on you showering or anything. I swear.” It only took her a second to realize that Alice was playing with her. “Well, anyway, I was watching over you and you were really sad. You said some stuff that hit me really hard. I must have said something out loud because the next thing I know I’m not in here with you anymore, I’m in some classroom getting instructions and they told me that I had to make peace with life here otherwise I wouldn’t be able to move on. I told them I wasn’t so sure I wanted to move on and that was when they explained it to me.”

Alice was listening to Dana with rapt attention, fearful she’d miss a word and Dana would go away again.

“So don’t stop there. I still don’t understand. You need to give me more than this, Dane.”

“It all comes down to the fact that I need to make peace here. And when I really look at my life, you are the only one that I left behind that I still had…” Dana stared at Alice, trying to find the right word in her eyes, “…had regrets about.”

Her voice sped up as she realized the level of vulnerability she opened herself up to, funny how even death doesn’t help insecurities. “I mean sure, I did things I regret or said things to other people I would like to take back, but Al, we shared so much for so many years and on so many levels. When I left, I left you doubting us, our friendship, our love. I mean, how am I supposed to find peace when I can never make that right?”

Alice just stared in bewilderment. Guilt over the way things were left off between them kept Dana from finding peace. As if Alice didn’t feel bad enough for not being in the room with Dana when she died, there was one more thing to add to the list.

Dana saw the look on Alice’s face and instantly realized, “Al, it isn’t a bad thing that I’m here. I couldn’t let go because of me, of what I wasn’t strong enough to do. And I was very content how I was. It wasn’t until they took me into that room that I learned that it gets even better. So, please Al, don’t feel bad.”

Alice took a deep breath and did her best to shake off the bad feelings. It was the least she could do for Dana. If she was going to take this journey, she had to do her best to keep her spirits up for Dana. Any lingering guilt she could deal with after she did what she could to help Dana move on. It wasn’t like she really believed there was much that Dana could do to alleviate Alice’s guilt, but she was willing to go along for the ride.

“Ok, Dane. I can’t promise you that just because you’re telling me not feel guilty that I won’t, but I’ll listen to all you have to say. Deal?”

“I’ll take it. But Al, I only have until sunrise and I don’t intend on leaving here without us working it all out. So, I need you to be honest with me. Even when you’re not sure, I need you to talk to me.”

Dana had that look on her face that she had when she was warming up for matched. It was a look of absolute determination and Alice knew better than to try and challenge her when her mind was focused.

“I can do that. So what’s the game plan? Do we just talk?”

“We could, but I think there are things that will be more productive if I can show them to you. Are you ok with that?”

“You lead and I follow. Where to first, boss?”

“Do you remember Pride last year?”

“I didn’t go to Pride this year, Dane. It was too hard.”

“I’m sorry. I meant the year before that, when Howie showed up. I think we can start there.” She reached her hand out, “Ready?”

Alice hesitated for a second and then grabbed Dana’s hand. “I was born ready.”

tbc