It’s a strange feeling, to be so proud of someone, to see them totally make it career wise. All of her hard work and the early morning workouts and daylong practices and Dana made it. It is so ***** cool. I am so happy for her. But there is this part of me that I’m not really proud of. This part of me that just almost wishes she stayed in the middle of the heap, instead of rising to the top of it.

It’s so totally selfish. I get that. And that makes me not want to think it, but it happens anyway. It’s just that now Dana is in the spot light more and more. She is in newspapers and magazines and on TV. ***** ESPN Sports Center did an interview with her. She has an interview next week with Bob Costas. She is just getting huge. And that pretty much means I need to share her with the world. And she has the world at her feet. So how long do we think it will take for her to move on?

I had the hardest time getting past the whole Lara thing. Ha, that was funny. Like I’ve actually gotten past that. God I amuse myself. Anyway, a whole two weeks ago I freaked out on Dana over Lara and she finally got me to believe her, at least for the moment. I’m not so sure about long term. I mean I really want to believe it, because, come on, who wouldn’t? But in reality, I’m still not so sold on it.

Dana is one of those people that couldn’t hurt a fly. She is just inherently good. Good natured, good hearted, just plain old good. She would always do anything in her power to make sure that the people she cares about are ok and happy. Even to her own detriment, she would do anything. So when she tells me over and over how much she loves me, there is that one part of me that just can’t totally accept it. Its like when she told her mother a few years ago that she would just love to come home for her birthday weekend. She failed to mention to Sharon that the girls and I had a whole weekend planned for Dana. She knew that it meant a lot to her mother and that Sharon had actually made an effort for Dana, which was sort of rare, so she went, asking me to come for the dinner on her birthday itself.  She apologized to everyone, but her mother rarely asked or tried to do anything for Dana, especially of it didn’t relate to tennis, so if she tried, Dana felt it was the right thing to do. She told me that night at her house that she felt bad that she had only invited me, but she couldn’t invite Shane, it would lead to too many questions, so she thought it best to only ask me, that way, Shane didn’t feel hurt. Did I mention that this conversation took place at 3:30 in the morning because Dana was up all night? She couldn’t sleep due to the guilt that Bette, Tina and Shane might feel left out. She’s that kind of good. So even though I really want to believe her, really, I need to believe her, how can I? She would so easily stay, just because she would never hurt me. I know she loves me. For some reason, I just can’t buy the whole in love bit.