Kit shrugged and looking around said, “What?  I didn’t say *****.”

Alice leaned against the counter and looked at her shoe as Dana took a seat next to Tina at the table.  They were all silent; just looking at each other until Alice‘s hand slowly went up in the air. 

Bette sighed.  “What, Alice?”

Alice: “So, umyeah, wow, huh”

Bette: “Just spit it out.”

Alice: “Okay, if we’re not going shopping for a turkey then what the ***** are we doing here?  I mean seriously you guys, you could pick up butter alone.  I thought we were going for the mother load of all turkeys and Tina needed our help getting it to the car cuz her ***** are engorged”

Bette’s head immediately snapped to Tina’s *****.  “Tina!”

Tina: “I didn’t tell them, Bette. (Pointing to her bodacious balloons) Obviously they could figure it out on their own.”

Dana: “No *****, haa blind person could tell.”

Hearing Bette’s growl forced Dana to fold her hands in her lap and look up at the ceiling.  “Not thatya know, not that I looked”

Alice to the rescue: “So, um, why can’t we have a turkey? I forget.”

Tina following her lead: “Um, yeah, no turkey because I’m making a Tofurkey this year.  Right, Bette?”

Bette: “Yes you are, Tina.”

Alice: “A what now?”

Dana: “Ohhh, the tofu turkey.yeahthat’s uh, that’s just gross.”

Alice: “No ***** way am I eating tofu on Thanksgiving.”

Kit: “I hear that”

Alice: “It’s tradition to eat turkey on Thanksgiving.”

Kit: “Preach it girl!”

Alice:  *****, it’s our history to eat turkey.  Our founding fathers hunted turkey and fed it to those Indian’s because it’s what symbolizes solidarity, Bette.  The very thing we’re celebrating.”

Bette: “I’d love to know how you made it through high school, let alone college.  Scary!”

Tina: “Okay, it’s settled.  I’m just gonna get my bag and we could”

Kit took a swig off her diet coke and said, “She got the story all fucked up but I’m still with her.”

Alice: “What?  Didn’t they feed the Indians turkey?”

Dana shrugged.

Tina: “We should really get going if we’re going to eat at all tomorrow”

Alice: “They totally did.  I remember.  I mean, well, before they stole their land from them and invented electricity.”

Bette: “Tina!”

Tina: “Let it go, Bette.”

Alice: “And then had their faces carved into that mountain to honor the occasion.”

Kit:  “Don’t look at me, either.”   

Bette: “Oh my god.  It was THE PILGRIMS!  The Pilgrims, Alice, and they didn’t FEED the Indians; they cooked a whole meal and ate together as family.”

Alice: “Same *****”

Dana: “So, wait, when did the Boston Tea Party thing happen?”

~Silence~

Bette: “Hey, you know what?  You three want turkey so bad you can go out and kill one because it’s already Thanksgiving Eve.  The supermarkets aren’t even going to have any left”

Tina: “Speaking of the supermarket”

Alice: “Kill a turkey?  What, you, you mean like go on a wild turkey shoot and bag our own bird?”

Tina: “Bette?  The marketwe should go if”

Bette: “Yeah, like go out in the woods and kill your own turkey, Alice.  Since itsoh, what did you call it, tradition?  Yes, tradition.  Seems to me that would be the “traditional” way to do it.   I doubt Benjamin Franklin took a trip to the A&P before he fed those Indians, Alice.”

Alice leaned back into the counter and said, “That’s true.  He wouldn’t have.  So, what exactly are you saying here, Bette?  You don’t think I have the chops to take one of those tasty little ***** out?  Are you.are you calling me chicken?”

Dana: “Hey, could we have chicken at least, Tina?”

Tina: “No!”

Bette: “Exactly, Alice.  That’s exactly what I’m saying.   I do not think you have the balls to kill anything, let alone something you’re about to eat.”

Alice: “Oh, Bette Porter.  You don’t know me at all, do you?  But since I’m the sporty kind and have never been one to turn down a challengecare to put a little money where your big mouth is?”

Tina: “Oh, *****.”

Alice:  “Whoa, Tina, a little respect.  No cursing on the Lords day, please.”

Tina: “Thanksgiving has nothing to do with the bible, Alice.”




Alice:  “It doesn’t?”