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All The White Horses: Part One (1/5)
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That was what Helena felt had caused Alice’s reaction, more than
anything. The fact that Dana never really bothered to break up with the
blonde. Instead she wavered and she waffled and she was simply Dana.
Unable to hurt her best friend of so many years and the woman she loved
by telling her she no longer wanted to be together romantically. But
the lack of words, the way the relationship was left to linger and
slowly wither away and die from lack of contact, from loss of
recognition. It was as if suddenly Alice no longer existed for Dana and
that was what Helena believed was responsible for her actions.
They spoke on it once. What bothered them the most, that thing which
seems innocuous and small but somehow stays with you and makes you feel
horrible no matter how you try to shake it from your thoughts. Alice
told her of her first girlfriend in college, Tayo, and her habit of
talking on the phone while they were together. That they would be
spending a quiet night together in the dorms, romantic really, eating
food and drinking and listening to music all while kissing on and off
for what she considered a delightfully endless period of time. And then
the phone would ring and Tayo would answer it but she wouldn’t end the
conversation quickly to return to their previous activities. Instead
she would seemingly forget Alice’s presence and talk with whoever who
called her. Often never even mentioning that the blonde was with her as
to let the other person know she might need to end the conversation
quickly. This happened so many times that eventually Alice grew
frustrated and when it happened next she simply walked out of the room
after fifteen minutes passed and Tayo remained on the phone.
Three hours later, Tayo called wanting to know where she had gone.
And that was what bothered Alice the most. Being ignored by someone she
loved, it made her feel like she was worthless, less than nothing,
because she wasn’t worthy of even a small scrap of their attention.
Which is how she felt when Dana couldn’t manage to officially break up
with her. She knew logically that the athlete did it because she cared
for her and she didn’t want to hurt her but being without those words
killed something inside of her.
“I’m still in love with her,” Alice said finally, ending the silence
that seemed longer than it actually was. Her eyes fixed on the long
windows of Dana’s living room and she found herself counting the lights
of the buildings. There were fifty six, so far. “But she doesn’t need
me to be in love with her, Helena. She needs me to be her friend and
that’s what I’m going to be.”
“Are you sure?” asked Helena gently, thinking of the haunted expression
that the athlete wore that day in The Planet. To her it was very much
the look of a woman aching for a love lost and not someone wishing for
the return of their dear friend.
Smiling sadly, Alice looked down at Dana who shifted again, snuggling
into the blonde’s slightly bare stomach as she muttered under her
breath and Alice slowly stroked wavy brown hair,
relishing the feel of silken strands. “I’m sure,” she murmured.
To be continued…
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You’re back! I love the story. Post soon.
Great story. I was excited when you mentioned you were writing this fic and you sure didn’t disappoint. You write so well, it’s always a pleasure reading your work. Thanks for sharing.
awesome story! so sad yet hopeful. i agree with fibbie – you do write so well. your writing style is one of the best on this site. have you ever been published?
Although I’m not a Alice/Dana fan, you write so incredibly well that you’ve converted me. I especially like your intros with songlists and diatribes against those that you’re po’ed at. I have read your stories on your website. I consider you to be the benchmark to which all other Danish stories are to be compared and evaluated. You’ve got the skillz, gf!
Reading this made me realize just how much I’ve missed your stories. This gives me hope for season 3. Up until now I’ve been in a bad mood due to the spoilers, and a slowly diminishing faith in danish. I also love the way you write Helena. Your comments on the other board about Dana were so dead on. It felt as though you were voicing my opinion as well as your own. I would have commented there, but I don’t know how to do the spoiler font. I hope you update soon.
Spoiler font on MediaBlvd is [spoiler]Insert your spoilery text[/spoiler] Now you can post! lol. Okay, yeah. I’m a dork. And no, I’ve never been published. I sadly lack the attention span and talent to try developing original fiction.
Wow! Fantastic writing! I almost didn’t read because of the spoiler warning but am thrilled that I did. Look forward to the next installment.
This is great. You really capture Dana and Alice’s relationship and interaction quite well. I have to admit the “rumors” for season 3 are pretty depressing, but stories like this keep the hope alive for some happier moments mixed with bad. Great story.
Thanks for writing this! Your writing is great as usual, dreiser! I’m very interested to see where you’re going with this fic. I have one question, though: Why always the NC-17 rating?
that’s a good question Vaya..I thnk u like the onli 1 2ask that..hehe I been wonderin bout that aswell dreiser..y always NC-17 rating when it aint always a NC-17 chapter?? not that I mind :p ..ne who0oo ur BAK!?!?! :D yaaa..WB! u been missed! I been missin ur striez, GRT as alwayz!! I LUV how u write S3 fan-fic!! u make me S3 wish’z cum true! :) THNX lot4writing mate, dun stop..I Friggin Luv: “All The White Horses” as much as I do luv: “Bitter Endings, Sweet Beginnings”
I suppose I use NC-17 rating because I like to force people to log on to read my fanfics. If that’s still the case. I don’t know. I’ve gotten complaints in terms of my story content and ratings before from other sites so I rather just tag all my fics as the very “worst” and leave it at that. To be honest, I never pay attention to the ratings when I pick out stories to read so I didn’t really think anyone else did either. lol. Sorry. It’s a quirk.
glad you’re back! love the story..feels like im picturing season 3..only, this is just too good to be true (the connection of alice and dana) but at least i found a version of S3 i’d like to see…
You are one of my favorite writers. You do it so well. I love how they’re ok, and Alice is willing to be there even if she thinks Dana doesn’t feel the same.
luv this story. great beginning and can’t wait to see more of these two reconciling. :D
this is great but I just hope that nothing bad has to happen to dana please post soon
you write so beautifully… i dread this story but figure i’ll come along with you- for now anyway.
Awww i just love your alice and dana stories ^_^ This is soo how i want season 3 to be….its amazing…Your a fantastic writer
Danish fics are starting to get buried in the update page. Anyway, you have no idea how glad I am to see you writing again! If S3 has even an ounce of your style and wit in it then I’m sure I’d be twice as addicted…only if I actually get hear Helena calling Alice ‘Darling’ then it wouldn’t be worth it. Lol, nice touch. As for the NC-17 rating – I’m a big Danish perv so it gives me some hope that Danish might be ‘getting it’ together. So please, continue giving me high hopes!
Great story! Thank you so much, you’re so very eloquent. I absolutely love your writing style. And I love the way you portray Helena, I think there is so much more to her character than they have shown in the L word. I can’t wait to see her and Alice become friends in Season 3. I hope you post again soon.
I’ve read this twice now, so I think it’s time to leave a comment. Is it possible to become a dreiser geekfan, because that is what I’ve become. I love your Alice always, but I’ve love your Helena also, I hope on the show they write her simular to the way you have written her. I can hope right lol. As always you have the Dana/Alice nailed. But you also give us a nice Alice/Helena relationship. Great as always. Plus I hope you haven’t droped your other story, I loved it and still check both her and your website often hoping for an update. Enjoy your break from college, and if you see yourself becoming bored, hey we would love to read anything you might write. Thanks again for the wonderful chapter. Deb