“That’s why you’ll stay with me when it’s time, right?.”

I simply nod my head. I can’t really refuse her this, because what she said was true. Whether I wanted it to happen or not, she was going to die.

I turn my head away from her as the doctor enters our room.

“Will you just give us a few more moments, please?”

He nods his gray head at me and steps out. I can’t bare to think what’s going to happen when he steps back again.

“I love you very much, I always have. That day you lay your hand on top of mine by accident, that was the day I fell in love with you. I remember I was so scared when I realized it. Good girls like me weren’t supposed to feel that way about bad girls like you.”

She chuckles as she says this and I can’t help but lean in and kiss her again. This time I only touch my lips to her cold cheek.

“I fell in love with you when you spoke of wanting a new first time. I wanted to be that new first time so badly. More than I had ever wanted anything else in my life before, but I was scared too. Bad girls like me didn’t deserve good girls like you.”

Her fingers trace my eyebrows, slowly brushes against my jawline. I’m not the only one trying to memorize everything.

“Don’t say that, don’t ever believe you did not deserve me. That you didn’t deserve to be loved by me. You made me so happy, so very happy.”

Her tears are flowing again, her voice barely a whisper as she speaks again.

“I don’t regret being with you, not one minute. I want you to remember that, I want you to believe that, okay?”

I nod my head as I kiss her hand, as I lean in and bury my face in her neck. I don’t want her to go. I don’t want to live in a world where there’s no her. It’s simply impossible to even contemplate it.

“I just don’t understand. Why you? You’ve always been so good, you don’t deserve this. Jesus, you’re only twenty nine, it’s just not fair!”

And now I cry. I cry harder than I’ve ever cried before, because I want her to see what this is doing to me. I want her to know how much I care. How much I hurt.