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The Architecture of Falling… – (Chapter: Something I Can’t Handle…)
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And she allowed me to close and lock the door behind her.
And she allowed my hand to come to rest on her own, our fingers weaving together.
“I miss you. I just…I don’t understand why you can’t talk to me. If this doesn’t mean anything to you then why can’t you fucking look at me?”
“I don’t want to lead you on. I don’t want you thinking there’s hope when there’s none. And I’m sorry if I’m upsetting you but there’s really nothing I can do.”
“There was a time, Spence, when I couldn’t get rid of you…do you remember?”
She nodded, staying silent so I could continue.
“You would be everywhere all the time and I never knew it was because you…because you had a crush on me or whatever. The thought never even entered my head because you were my little sister’s best friend. And you were so off-limits that it wasn’t even…and now I’m just some holiday fling for you.”
“I don’t know how to say this,” Spencer said, freeing herself of my hand and sitting on the edge of my bed, “but whatever happened between us…it wasn’t just a fling, ok? It was more than that because for as long as I could remember it was all I wanted. How you could be completely clueless to the fact that I liked you is ridiculous. When I was a kid, I just thought that I wanted to be just like you. But as I got older, I realized that it was more than that. I realized that I had feelings for you and it scared me. I can admit that. So seeing you when I walked through that door this time…yeah, it was weird for me. I wasn’t the same little girl you had watched grow up, you know? I kept growing for two years but you weren’t there to see it and now you’re shocked because I’m not the innocent sixteen year-old you knew. I can’t go back, Ash. I can’t change what’s happened.”
“But if that’s true…if you liked me the way you’re saying, how can you treat this like it means nothing to you? You wanted me, Spencer? Well here I am. Here I fucking am and you’re running. From what I can see, that’s like, what you do now and I’m not buying it. Just admit that you’re scared, ok? Admit that ever since your parents died you’re afraid of letting people in and getting hurt. But don’t act like I don’t mean anything to you all of a sudden because I can see it in your eyes that I do.”
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wow awsome update wow i wanna know wat happenes next… PMS PLEASE
wow! this is sad. i feel really bad for ashley because she laid it all on the line for spencer and spencer pretty much rejected her. “/ but she is just scared. awesome update!! i LOVE this story!! PMS
that was a great update can’t wait for the next one!pms!!
Wow…that is sad. Hey, it’s cool, cause at least this way they are getting to the root of how they feel for one another and Spence is tough, but Ashely is tougher, she’ll wait for Spencer until she is ready to admit it. I have faith…brilliant post. Cheers mate.
man that sucks their relationship if you can even call it that is so unhealthy its not even funny their both going to hurt in the end unless Spencer just allows herself to love ashley
So pretty much nothing and everything was solved with this discussion, if that makes any sense. Ashley expressed her feelings and Spencer pretty much shot her down. So now they are back to square one. What to do now is a really good question.
this was a good one because you can see spencer wanting ash to find the little girl that was lost after her parents died the one that loved ashley…pms
i love this story!!!!!!! PMS NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This story flows beautifully and is a joy to read even though it is such a heart-breaking, tragic tale …thank you for writing it.. seems obvious that spencer can’t handle losing another person she loves and everything she says and does comes down to building up walls to protect herself from experiencing pain again. Ashley is trying to help take down some of those walls but it really has to come from Spencer first cause “whatever you believe with feeling becomes your reality.” Brian Tracy
Ashley was totally honest with Spencer and really putting her heart on the line, but Spencer’s fear is breaking the brunettes fragile and loving heart. I really hope that Spencer will open her heart to love and be loved in return. This chapter had a powerful and intense effect on my emotions…well done! PMS
Oh my dear I love this story. Spencer knows she wants Ashley bad… great update!
wow awsome update wow i wanna know wat happenes next… PMS PLEASE
wow! this is sad. i feel really bad for ashley because she laid it all on the line for spencer and spencer pretty much rejected her. “/ but she is just scared. awesome update!! i LOVE this story!! PMS
that was a great update can’t wait for the next one!pms!!
Wow…that is sad. Hey, it’s cool, cause at least this way they are getting to the root of how they feel for one another and Spence is tough, but Ashely is tougher, she’ll wait for Spencer until she is ready to admit it. I have faith…brilliant post. Cheers mate.
man that sucks their relationship if you can even call it that is so unhealthy its not even funny their both going to hurt in the end unless Spencer just allows herself to love ashley
So pretty much nothing and everything was solved with this discussion, if that makes any sense. Ashley expressed her feelings and Spencer pretty much shot her down. So now they are back to square one. What to do now is a really good question.
this was a good one because you can see spencer wanting ash to find the little girl that was lost after her parents died the one that loved ashley…pms
i love this story!!!!!!! PMS NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This story flows beautifully and is a joy to read even though it is such a heart-breaking, tragic tale …thank you for writing it.. seems obvious that spencer can’t handle losing another person she loves and everything she says and does comes down to building up walls to protect herself from experiencing pain again. Ashley is trying to help take down some of those walls but it really has to come from Spencer first cause “whatever you believe with feeling becomes your reality.” Brian Tracy
Ashley was totally honest with Spencer and really putting her heart on the line, but Spencer’s fear is breaking the brunettes fragile and loving heart. I really hope that Spencer will open her heart to love and be loved in return. This chapter had a powerful and intense effect on my emotions…well done! PMS
Oh my dear I love this story. Spencer knows she wants Ashley bad… great update!
WOW. This makes me sad, I almost cried. Ashley’s letting it all out but Spencer just keeps turning her down. Anyway, I really can’t wait to see what happens next so PMASAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WOW. This makes me sad, I almost cried. Ashley’s letting it all out but Spencer just keeps turning her down. Anyway, I really can’t wait to see what happens next so PMASAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!