I sat at the kitchen table sobs ripping through my chest and lips. I cried for all of the love lost, all of the mistakes, and misunderstandings. I cried for myself, for our relationship, the hardships our children were going to go through once they found out, the reality of the situation, and most of all for Edward.

-Nothing can save you now that it's over
I guess that you'll find out when you're no one

Don't say you're sorry now 'cause I just don't care

Nothing can save you now, nothing
Nothing can save you now, nothing-

Edward had been the love of my life, but I had given up on him. I had let the quantity of the people I was leaving behind, and their potential heartbreak of my absence, overweigh my devotion and destiny with him. I had chickened out, not wanting to leave the safety of this town, over spending an eternity in suspense and uncertainty. I was an idiot.

Staying in Forks with Jake and my family had been a cop-out. Being a normal human girl, living a normal small town life, was safe and sure, or so I had thought. Staying with Edward would have been a constant state of hiding, worry, and trouble, or so I tried to reassure myself.

-Are you even listening when I talk to you?
Do you even care what I'm going through?
You're eyes stare and they're staring right through me
you’re right there but it's like you never knew me-

Before today I imagined this song to me was meant to be spiteful and mocking of our relationship, and to be a complete summary of what was going on right now. Edward hated me, and he always knew that Jake would leave me, and is having a good laugh at my expense. Another reason I was balling my eyes out was what I finally realized this song had meant to say.

-Do you even know how much it hurt,
that you gave up on me to be with her?
Revenge is sweeter than you ever were
(than you ever were)
Revenge is sweeter than you ever were-

He had always been saying I love you. I had hurt him by not telling him of how much I actually loved Jake. He was hurting because he knew Jake would not be able to help imprinting on someone else, and he didn’t want me to go through this torture. Revenge would be sweet for someone other than him, who only wanted the best for me, who wanted me just because I was me.

A big mistake was made when I chose Jake to be my life. He always knew that this was probably going to happen, and was selfish, because he wanted me anyways. He had fought hard for me, but for no reason except to pass the time before somebody else came along. I would regret that decision forever now, seeing how wrong I really was, and missing Edward’s touch more than I had in years.