I got all the way to the K’s before I saw something. Kelly, no, Kim, no, Kyla…. Kyla! My finger hit the ‘send’ button before my mind even had a chance to catch up.

            I could feel my heart beating faster and faster, my chest becoming tighter and tighter with each ring. I told myself to calm down and breathe, but to no avail. Voicemail. Ugh, what a let down.

            I set my phone down on the table, perhaps too hard. It buzzed loudly, startling me again. I thought it might be yelling at me, but then I realized that I had a text back from Avery.

‘hmm… wanna go to the park? I feel like we need some time to talk” My stomach dropped a little lower. A night in the park. How on earth was I going to avoid talking about Ashley? No, we had to do something else. What else could we do? What would my excuse be for not wanting to go to the park? Wouldn’t it be my luck that the one time I needed some thoughts my brain went as silent as a graveyard.

Ugh. Looks like we’re going to the park, I admitted after nearly 5 minutes of staring blankly at my wall.

‘sure. meet you there at 6?’ I replied finally, feeling anxious and defeated. I was in for it. The reply came almost instantaneously.

‘sounds perfect J’ .

–

It was 6, and I had already been here for 15 minutes. I had decided at home that I best be on my way rather than sit around my room and stew about what tonight might bring. I didn’t really consider the fact that I would instead be sitting on a park bench and stewing all the same.

What was I going to tell her? Should I come up with a story? I immediately replied no internally. I had already lied to Avery more than I cared to think about. I was going to tell her the truth. But how much of the truth? Not all of it, surely. No, telling her that Ashley still loved me would just stir up trouble, wouldn’t it?

            I tried to relax my mind. I studied the area around me for a few moments. The trees along the horizon painted a black contrast against a darkening pink sky. If I weren’t so stressed, I’m sure I’d have admired it more. I averted my gaze to me feet, atop the gray concrete of the path. My eyes, restless and unsure of where to stay, wandered down the walkway, which wound through the trees out to the parking lots. This really was such a random spot, but it was our spot. This was where Avery and I had come countless times to… well, I won’t go into details. Obviously during a time when I was less of an emotional yard sale than I was now. I shut my eyes and wished with all of my might that I could just go back to one of those times; back to a time where I knew what I wanted and it was her.