“Look, Ash, I like you a lot and you know that. But you’re with Aiden and I can’t expect you to ditch him for me. The same way you can’t expect me to ditch Jessica for you. Okay?” I could see the pain in her eyes yet again. “If it’s meant to be, Ashley, it will be”

Like Houdini she made a smile appear out of nowhere. But she wasn’t that good of a magician, the smile looked forced. I wanted to fix everything that was going on; I just didn’t know the best way to do it. So I did it the best way I knew how. “I was thinking,” I began subtly. “I’m having a little trouble paying my rent on my own. How about you and I upgrade to a two bedroom and then split the cost. It’s a lot cheaper you know.”

She sighed as she began to get out from underneath the covers, still in the clothes she had on the night before. “You found the eviction notice didn’t you?” She asked.

I nodded sympathetically. “Why didn’t you just come to me for help?” I asked.

“When I moved out I was supposed to be able to prove that I could handle being an adult. Obviously I failed, but you already know that.” She ran her fingers through her hair before walking out of her room. I followed her into the kitchen where she began making coffee.

“So is that a yes or a no to moving in with me?” I asked still confused.

She poured the coffee grains into the appropriate place and pressed a single button. Immediately coffee began pouring into the pot. “My pride says no thank you. But I’m not exactly in any position to listen to it.”

We discussed it a little further. We came to the conclusion that we would stay in the one bedroom I had then for another week before upgrading to a two bedroom. Then we would split the rent evenly every month. After that conversation, we talked about pointless things as we did all the time. Eventually though, my phone rang and brought me back to reality. It was Jessica, and so I answered with a “Hey”.

“Hey, I have different plans for our date tonight. I’ll swing by at about eight o’clock and pick you up. Bye” She hung up before I could protest. I knew then that I was no longer in control of our date and I couldn’t do anything about it.

“What was that about?” Ashley asked me.

“Oh, I uh, forgot to tell you. I’m gonna go out with Jessica at eight.” I said trying not to hurt her too bad. “But while I’m gone you can go ahead and start moving your things into my apartment. I shouldn’t be gone for too long, so we can arrange things well when I get back.” She nodded understandingly and I knew by the look in her eyes that there was more emotion in her then she led me to believe. I would be lying if I said that I wasn’t being torn apart on the inside. I wanted so bad to be with Ashley. Ever since we were sixteen years old I wanted to be hers. I used to picture being the one she called ‘baby’. I would sometimes imagine that when we were sleeping in our cuddled position, it meant more than it did. I imagined all day and all night but it never got me anywhere. But now that my wishes came true, I couldn’t handle it. Why is it that I can’t just go for her? Is it because I’m so used to hurting that I have to continue hurting over her? Why do I like to hurt so much?

TBC