Self discovery is a long process.  It doesn’t just take place when you’re a teenager trying to figure out who you are.  It lasts a lifetime.  It doesn’t matter if you think you know who you are because the truth is you never really do.  With every passing moment we discover something new about ourselves.  We are not the same people we were five minutes ago or five minutes from now.  All it takes is one second to change who you are.  When living in Ohio I thought I knew who I was, but I was wrong.  I thought I lost myself in the move.  But you can’t lose what you never had.  After meeting Ashley I’ve discovered something about myself.  I’m gay.  That’s the first time I’ve said that.  Being gay isn’t all that defines me, but it is part of me.  I don’t really know who I am or who I’m meant to be.  All I know is I’m not afraid of figuring it out, even if it takes a lifetime.  I’m Spencer Carlin and let’s get back to my road to self discovery.

This morning seems to have dragged on forever.  I’m so excited that I get to spend the whole day with Ash.  But I’m also really nervous.  I mean I know that we agreed to take this slow, but everytime I see her I want to kiss her.  Maybe we could just hold hands or something.  But then Kyla and Aiden will be there too and I’m not sure if I’m ready for anyone to know yet.  Ugh! I don’t know what I’m going to do.  I feel like I’m about to have a panic attack, when I hear my phone ring.

" I’ll keep you my dirty little secret

Dirty little secret

Don’t tell anyone or you’ll be just another regret

Just another regret, hope that you can keep it

My dirty little secret."

I immediately spring up from my bed and grab my phone off my desk.

"Hey Ash, what’s up?"  I say trying not to show my excitement.

"Well, I’m supposed to spend the day with this gorgeous girl and I’m sitting outside her house, waiting for her to come out."  She says.  She’s so cute, even on the phone.  "So get your ass out here before I decide to leave without you."