I am sitting in my room listening to The Glory of Love by Peter Cetera this song is so old I don’t even know why it is on my station jeez the only reason I even know it is because I watched Karate Kid 2 last night when I couldn’t find my remote. This song is making my heart hurt I miss Spencer so much she has become such a huge part of my life that I don’t know what to do with myself now that she isn’t apart of it. I think I am done crying for today and then I hear the second verse in the song.

Sometimes I just forget
say things I might regret
It breaks my heart to see you crying
I don’t want to lose you
I could never make it alone

That is exactly how I feel too. I didn’t mean to hurt Spencer jeez the girl is my life. I know I messed up I just hope one day she will talk to me I feel like without Spencer I have lost everything it’s been 7 months since prom and even though I tried to talk to Spencer I don’t think she will ever forgive me for killing her brothers. She knows it’s my fault Glen and Clay died in the shooting and I would hate me the rest of her life too.

I don’t talk to anyone now but Kyla on occasion I go to school because I know that Spencer would be disappointed in me if I didn’t and even though I know I can never be with her I still want her to be proud of me. Everyday I want to just go get drunk or better yet find something to get very high off of but I still have her pictures all over my room and it’s sad that she still keeps me in line after all this time. Anyway I come home and I sleep or watch TV. look at old pictures of us kissing under the pier it’s funny since Aiden took that picture.

Aiden jeez I try not to think about him we have this tortured past and even though I love Spencer more than my own life I fucked up and I know it I did love Aiden and it confused me for a little bit. He is a great guy and I hate that I hurt him too but he didn’t hold a candle to what I had with Spencer and I knew after what she witnessed it would only hurt her to see me around him so I backed of totally.