I did not cry. I felt as if I had used all of the tears for my entire lifetime. Everything happened for a reason. I knew I had to believe entirely that to make it

through this.

Edward came back into the room, looking at me with sincere apology. “Can I speak to Bella alone, please?” He requested. The Cullens nodded and got up. Slowly they left the room, almost unable to leave me.

Rosalie looked at me with regret. The past week she had been watching me like a hawk. Either waiting for me to die, or hoping I wouldn’t. I opted to believe the latter, and I think I was right.

When we were alone, Edward sat at the foot of the bed.

“Bella,” He said shakily, “I am so sorry I put you through this ordeal.”

“What are you talking about?” I asked, “You didn’t do-”

“I left you alone,” He said, “I shouldn’t have gone-”

“Edward, I would have done it anyway. I didn’t have the will anymore, Edward-”

“Don’t say that!”

“Listen to me. I didn’t. But when they were saving me…through the pain, I could see your face. Edward, having you there gave returned the will to me. It wouldn’t have mattered if you had left or not. It still would have happened.”

He didn’t say anything. He kissed my forehead. We sat in silence for a long while, staring into each other’s eyes.

“Charlie is very worried,” Said Edward, “We told him it was accidental, though.”

“How did I accidentally swallow 60 pills, Edward.” I asked, wondering how he could excuse this one.

“You were already down to your last few,” Said Edward, “And you couldn’t remember whether you’d already taken one.”

The pain returned to his face. I knew what he was thinking of.

“Bella,” He said, “When I got that phone call, that you had tried…tried…”

“Killing myself.”

He shuddered at the words. They almost seemed to choke him.

“When they told me,” He continued, “I almost tried, myself. I tried ripping myself to pieces, but it didn’t work. I knew I had to be there. With you.”

I reached up and took him in my arms. He kissed me, as hard as he could without crushing me in his grip.

Death is a strange thing. One minute you are there, glaring into it’s face, ready and willing. The next, you are back with your loved ones. Where you realize you’d rather be. Edward never let me go. The lullaby never stop playing in my head. The image of Jacob never left my mind.