As I got closer I could see him; the blond boy. He was smiling in the picture I was just a baby he was bigger then me as I looked at his face I could see he kind of looked like me… blond hair blue eyes… he is my… my…

Suddenly I saw myself as a 3 year old entering the same bedroom with him. I was like an outside spectator looking at the two of us as children "Dad said it’s alright!" he said.

He wasn’t that older then me maybe 4… how can that be…

Then I noticed what he was holding. A gun, a black gun… and I started to panic but I couldn’t move.

"See? Like the movies, like you always call me. what’s my name Spencer?" he was showing little me how to hold it "Gun" the 3 year old me said and he started laughing soon I joined him. Why are we laughing?! I wasn’t even afraid I could sense what I was feeling as a child at that moment and I wasn’t even afraid! I didn’t know! I didn’t know! Tears were starting to drop from my eyes… I could no longer hear the ‘beep’ sound or Ashley begging me to come back…

It happened in a split second he was showing me the gun then he looked in the barrel and,

BOOM

The white sheets were covered with droplets of blood now and he was lying in a puddle of red on the floor I saw myself starting to scream "gun!! Gun!!" but it was too late… he was gone… and for a moment in my mind I felt the split that happened in me, as for one second I stopped crying and just looked at his body lying there lifelessly. That was the day… I understood… that was when it happened.

Then I started screaming again GUN!! GUN! I felt pounding on my chest it hurt and I wanted it to stop. Then suddenly I could hear her again "Don’t you leave me!!!!! Come back fight, fight!!!!!" and I did. I kept screaming GUN! Only I was awake screaming it now…

The first thing I saw when I opened my eyes were her brown teary ones. It felt like forever. But still the only thing I could say was "Gun" I didn’t hear anything she was stroking my hair as the doctor was fussing around me.

My throat hurt from the tubes that used to be in it and I felt pain everywhere. I could make out her lips saying ‘I love you’ over and over… Gun not gun I thought that’s not right gun… gln… Glen! That was his name Glen he was my big brother… my big brother and I watched him die… so much blood… I felt her lips against mine and I know it was going to be o.k. somehow.

"Glen" I whispered aloud before passing out.