This darkness, I’ve known it all my life. I know now I was born with it. It’s like god selected me out of all the others. They say fortune favors the brave. Am I that much of a coward?

‘You have to stand up for yourself’ Billy used to say. I needed Angel to do that… I have never done anything on my own…

‘She is a part of you’ Ashley always said… Ashley… what have I done to you. I always hurt the ones I love.

I should stay here in this darkness forever. Here I can’t hurt anyone else. I can’t hurt her…

I felt myself drowning deeper and deeper into that darkness until suddenly I heard her

"Come back to me…" it was a whisper I could almost see her sitting next to me. I can’t deny it any longer I love her it’s not Angel I love her… I do… but that is why I have to do this. Don’t you understand? Nothing can change my mind… I love you Ashley. Goodbye.

"No I’m not saying goodbye I’m not!" what!? Can she hear me? How can that be? No it’s just my mind playing game she is not really there… again…

 "Do you hear me! I love you!" it is her! I love you too Ashley but I can’t risk hurting you again… I’m not strong enough to control him!

"You are going to get through this! We have so much learning to do about each other… please don’t leave me…" I don’t want to leave you… I don’t but I… I’m not worthy of you I’m too weak… please understand…  

"You are strong…" you think I’m strong… you always believed in me… I don’t know why. How could you have found something worth believing and loving in me? I have been a shell most of my life…  

"I wish…" I know what you wish for… I wish for the same thing I wish for your happiness. You’ll find it again with someone else… I know you will… I will always love you…

"You can’t do this…" I see a shadow next to me. "Can’t you hear her screaming… teach me how to bear the pain…" ‘Me? You want me to teach you?! You are the strong one! You always came out when I was too weak to take care of myself and now you came to me for help?!’ "I didn’t have the courage to press down the knife…" she confesses to me."That was you wasn’t it?" ‘Yes… I was the one. But it was an escape… not really a brave thing to do…’ "’No It wasn’t but it was my idea… all the worse ideas where mine… you where really the strong one… you face life head on. You weren’t afraid of the most terrifying thing in the world…" ‘And what could that possibly be?’ I asked not believing her. "Putting your heart on the line… I learned that from you" she finished saying I looked at Angel in shock. "I don’t think you need me anymore, not to protect you, not to block anymore memories. You’ll do fine on your own. You are the brave one. The strong one…" she sighed and I didn’t know what to say.