More. That word hung there, filling the void that Maura had created with her absence.

“Well where is she?” I didn’t mean to be angry at her, I wasn’t really. “I don’t see her here.” It hurt that she was poking the open wounds that were still too raw.

“And if she were?” Ma was used to my outbursts and seemed unphased.

“Well she’s not.”

With that, Ma got to her feet and left silently.

I fixed my make up – more thanks going to Maura for teaching me the delicacies of ’less is more’ – and a knock came at the door, I took a deep breath and pulled myself together as best I could.

“You look amazing!!” Korsak stood in the doorway, a giant grin on his face and a tear in his eye. He’d sobbed openly when I’d asked him to give me away. With everything we’d been through, it seemed like the right thing to do.

“Ready?” He asked.

I nodded and took his arm. It was both weird and comforting and we rode the elevator in silence.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The church was beautiful, small, and ornate in its carvings. Almost everyone was inside when we pulled up and Vince opened the door for me. My Uncle Shawn was outside smoking a cigar and he grinned at me, showing his hideously oranged teeth.

“Janie-pop, you look a million.” He dropped his cigar to the floor and crushed it with his heel before coughing violently into a handkerchief and heading back into the church. Louisa followed him quickly before returning a few moments later.

“Are you ready?” She whispered.

Was I ready? I swallowed and squeezed my eyes closed. No. I wasn’t. But it was now or never so I had to be ready.

I nodded at her and she took her place in the doors of the church and, as the wedding march began, she began the weird wedding-walk down the aisle.

At my side, Vince kissed my cheek softly and as I looped my arm in his, I felt him fighting a tearful shudder.

We walked up the aisle to many appreciative ’ooh’s and ’oh she looks so lovely’s’ and my eyes scanned the crowd for that familiar blonde head. She wasn’t there. I looked and looked but I couldn’t see Maura. Instead there was Casey and he looked so handsome, dressed in full military uniform and a giant grin on his face. Everything happened in slow motion and it seemed to take forever to get to his side but when I did I wanted nothing more than to run. This wasn’t right. There was something – someone – missing. I couldn’t marry without her.