Chapter 13

Spencer and Tina got into their car and drove off behind Alice and Dana, until they had to turn opposite ways. They made their way back home. The drive was quiet. Tina was afraid that Spencer would ask her questions that she couldn’t or wouldn’t answer. She didn’t know if she was strong enough yet to tell Spencer the whole story. She knew the basics, but she didn’t know of the son they’d lost. She didn’t know a lot of things, but that was the biggest one. Tina tried to drown out her thoughts by turning on the c.d. player.  Tell Me Why  by Taylor Swift came on. She listened to the lyrics carefully and couldn’t help but compare herself to the monster being sung about. Like Bette was Taylor singing about her. The tears began to cascade down her cheeks. Soon the song ended. She was in full tears. Silently crying to herself. The song changed to  The Way I Loved You . She couldn’t help but laugh at the chorus.

But I miss…

Screaming, and fighting

And kissing the rain

And it’s two a.m. and I’m cursin’ your name.

I was so in love that I acted insane.

And that’s the way I loved you.

Breakin’ down and comin’ undone.

It’s a roller coaster kind of rush.

And I never knew I could feel that much.

And that’s the way I loved you.

The words were so true. She’d done so much with Bette, she couldn’t help but compare her situation with this song. She missed Bette so dearly. She’d come close so many times to just writing Bette to see how she was, but she just needed to find herself. She’d lost herself in that marriage, and she was hating who she’d become. Depended on Bette, she’d lost her independent-ness. She wasn’t the type to rely on someone else, and she hated putting that burden on Bette, but she didn’t know how to pull herself up from the loss of their son. It was one of the lowest times in her life. The affair was just the breaking point. She’d had enough of herself. She couldn’t even show Bette the love she needed, that she had to go find Candace. Tina shivered at the thought of her name. She pulled into the drive way and wiped the tears from her eyes. Spencer took her mother’s hand in hers.