Elsewhere…

It was dark out, I was walking home after a double shift at a diner I wouldn’t eat at even if you paid me to. I had customers shout at me even had a dirty old man pinch my butt and ask if I wanted a ride in his beat up car. I was so damn insulted but didn’t say a word. I deserved to be treated like this, I didn’t deserve any respect. I had blood on my hands and this was my punishment.

I was living in hell, I was living in a rundown area in an apartment that didn’t have decent plumbing and electricity was a luxury reserved for Wednesdays. I was used to more, I was used to a better life but I ran as fast as I could away from it all.

My hair was still black I would never dye it back. I had shed my old life and was now living a new one, a life I probably wouldn’t want my worst enemy to live. Paula, I forced back a bitter laugh. She was the cause of this, she was the cause of this nightmare and I only prayed my father had found it in him to leave her. She didn’t deserve him just like he didn’t deserve a daughter like me, a cold blooded killer.

I cringed at the thought, how quickly things had spun out of control. Each day I’d wake up in a cold sweat, feelings of remorse rushing through my body. I’d wake up gulping for air as gun shots would fill my head. I pulled the trigger once I had time to back out… time to make sure she was okay but no I pulled the trigger twice. I left her there for dead only to turn back a few miles later to help her, to try save her. I was so conflicted in those moments I was out of control I really had no idea what was happening. I swear in those minutes it wasn’t me, I wasn’t there I was out of my body looking down as I made the biggest mistake of my life. These were excuses I was making, day in and day out. These were the excuses that only made me a fucking coward.