Maybe she’s realizing that it was a mistake. After all she been silently laying up, playing with my hair for a while. I don’t usually mind, but she keep sighing, heavily. Like something is on her mind, something about us. I can’t explain how I know but I feel it. I hope she’s not regretting last night. As for me, I don’t know. Part of me, says ‘finally. After all that teasing and the being so close.’ It was a natural thing to want Bette the way I did.

The other part knows that it was too soon. It should have been perfect. Candles, soft music, maybe a little soft lighting for that TV Movie of the Week feel. In my mind Grace would forgive me. Bette and Eric could trade good natured barbs. Alice would be in the corner making smart ***** comments while Dana and Shane quietly observe us. Bette and Tina, the perfect and the most meant to be couple. Our first time would have made sense then. It would make me feel good, being in her arms knowing that we were also surrounded with the love and support of our friends and family.

Don’t get me wrong last night was absolutely wonderful. Bette did as she promised. She let me set the pace. Of course only myself knew that my pace would consist of ripping her stupid pajama top off her. Which reminds me we should find those buttons, because that shirt was kind of expensive. I’m sure she’ll remind me this morning. Last night anytime I tensed, she asked if I was sure. It was all my choice, everything last night was my choice. Telling the truth to Mickey, coming clean with Grace, sleeping with Bette, making love to her. It was me. I can’t blame anyone else for what happened here. Still that doesn’t make it easier. Knowing that I held all the cards and I’m still unsure of the choices I made.