My God, I cant believe the time is finally here. It seems like only yesterday I had decided to go for it. Theres been a lot of building up to this; I hope it isnt a disappointment. What am I talking about, I know it wont be a disappointment. I knew deep down it was always something I wanted, but maybe Ive let the anticipation outweigh what could possibly result from the experience. I should just stop second-guessing myself. Bettes been so greatso supportive. I really couldnt have asked for anything more from her.

I have to have another drink of water. God, I dont remember ever being this thirsty before. Is this normal? Maybe Im sick? Maybe I should back out? No! Tina, get a hold of yourself, youre just nervous. Now breathe. Okay. Thats a bit better. I can still feel my heart pounding in my chest. Maybe Ill faint and the pressure will be off, theres no way I can do it if Im unconscious right? Bette will just wait patiently until I wake up and shell drive me home and reassure me the whole ride that it just wasnt the right time yet.

I cant believe she just gave me such a great foot massage. She certainly knows how to treat me. Shes such an amazing person. I cant believe how lucky I am to have her. She said she liked what Im wearing today. That I had picked the perfect outfit. But then she said that shed rather see it all on the floor leading to her bedroom. Sometimes she really does have a one track mind.

Damn. Im still lucid. That means Im responsible for the decision. Well, I dont think I can reasonably back out now. Okay. Its now or never.
_________

Once we began, it became more real to me. I dont know why it didnt feel real before. I guess its because I hadnt told anyone. Its like a goal that only becomes real once more people are aware of the plan. I really can do anything. I am capable of so much, I cant wait to set my sights higher next time. This is easy. So far pretty much like what Ive done before, but perhaps with a little more intensity. Okay, so it is a little different. But its not like Im doing this on my own or anything. That would be impossible.