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The Very Thought of You, Chapter 20
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“Things have taken a serious turn awfully quickly.”
“I know,” she nodded absent-mindedly. Hesitantly, I reached for her hand. She flinched at my touch, and I battled to keep the hurt out of my eyes.
“Hey, look at me.” As she did, I saw her fight to remain removed, saw that her walls were her protection from the verbalization of the life she knew I led but never really wanted to know the details of. I saw just how irrevocable some of my mistakes would be, saw how deeply I had cut her. And amongst the newer wounds I glimpsed the old ones she never quite forgave. It broke my heart that I had caused all the pain I now saw. I had no idea.
“Oh, Bette. I’m so sorry,” I wept, letting the tears flow unchecked. I rushed to the arms she held out to me, painfully aware that, even in my attempt to help her heal, she, once again, was the one bearing the burden of pain. Still, there I stayed until I got my breathing back under control as she stroked my back and muttered indiscernible reassurances. When I could finally speak, I pulled back. There were fissures in the walls she had put up, and I found the courage to do as she asked.
“What do you want to know?”
She shrugged, and for an instant poignantly resembled a younger version of herself. But in the next moment she again was a fifty-year-old woman worn down by loss and longing, by unfulfilled desires and dreams long dead.
“How’s Henry? How long have you been married? What did you end up doing? What does he do?” She looked up at me now. “How many children? How old are they? What are they pursuing? Any grandchildren?” Each question tore a little more of her resolve not to show emotion away, leaving her fighting for control.
“You sure?” I questioned as I reached over and took her hand in some poor effort to deflect some of the imminent painful truths. She nodded. I took a deep breath before continuing.
“Henry’s fine. Relatively clueless, but fine. We’ve been married for twenty-eight years next month. He ended up going into his father’s gutter business. Like I planned, I teach high school theatre, direct two shows a year and generally have a lot of fun.” I paused. “Theatre was always one of the very few ways I could get my mind off of you and even it didn’t always work.” She attempted a weak smile, still not looking at me. I took a fortifying breath before continuing.
“Children. We ended up having three. Girl, boy, girl, just like you said you wanted. The oldest is Mariella Rose. She’s twenty-seven, and it’s her husband that Henry’s with tonight. They have a little girl named Sarah who’s three and the only grandchild we have so far. Robert James is twenty-five and just graduated with his M.S. in business from Purdue. Our youngest, Angelica Elizabeth, is twenty-three and starting her M.A. in, of all things, art at California University. Bette,” she looked at me, “she’s studying art history.”
She finally smiled, the most heart wrenching smile I’d seen anywhere other than in classical paintings themselves and only said, “Oh.”
“I love all my children, of course,” I continued, “But since the day she was born, Angelica has been a miniature version of you, as close as anyone could ever get, like she was supposed to be ours. She went to Bryn Mawr; I think she probably would have ended up at Vassar in some huge cosmological joke on me, but Henry’s mom got sick, and she couldn’t bear to be that far from her. They’re practically best friends.”
By now she was actually smiling, the first real smile I’d see her produce for near to an hour now.
“I’d love to meet her,” Bette said quietly.
“I’m sure she’d love to meet you, too. Your book I nearly her bible. She uses it on all of her papers and was very impressed when I told her I knew you years ago.”
“They all sound so beautiful. You must be so proud of them, T.”
“We are.”
For a few moments we sat in silence, she absorbing my life, me waiting for whatever cue she would eventually decide to give. When she looked up at me after long minutes, I saw in her eyes the beginnings of her healing and bits of forgiveness. I wanted to take her in my arms and hold her, tell her over and over that everything would work out. Instead, I waited.
She tilted her head and gave one of her tamer grins, questioning, “My turn?”
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another beautiful chapter! thank you!
You know, to be perfectly honest, while I think you are a wonderful writer, I had a little trouble getting into this story at first. Now, I am totally hooked! It must be the helpless romantic in me. I also love how you have made NYC another character…I think sometimes people have a harsh impression of the city, but it really is an easy place to fall in love. Yes, “Now, would be perfect.” Let’s hope that B&T can finally be together.
The old lady reminded me a bit of Mrs. Z from giasony’s “Denial.” lol So cute. You know I want B&T together, but at the same time I don’t want to see Henry get sucker punched. Thirty years ago would’ve been fine. he was young then and would’ve recovered in no time. xD
I don’t want Thursday to come! I really love this story – it is so eloquently written! Pot x
Could there be a more fitting job for boring, plain Henry than “gutter-man”? I think not. Another great chapter, always leaving us wanting more. Have a great time in the city…be careful painting it red–it tends to stain!
I,Myself need to thanks all the writer on this site for giving us all the wonderful stories and for taking their time, enery,and all the effort to make our days a wee bit happier,So today I will say Thanks to all of you. This story has keep me on pins and needles from the first chapter Thirty yrs is a long time to hold on to a dream. To try to be happy,when your happiness was God knows where. All you had was a dream.and hope. I feel like Bette and Tina needs to be together for ever. Thanks
Another amazing chapter, thanks sweetie.. little tough to read Bette so hurt. Best lines for me: ‘I saw just how irrevocable some of my mistakes would be, saw how deeply I had cut her. And amongst the newer wounds I glimpsed the old ones she never quite forgave. It broke my heart that I had caused all the pain I now saw. I had no idea.’ Really glad you posted again quickly, thanks
Well NYG, im no a Bette or Tina fan butwhen i started reading this story it blew me away. So now im a big fan of ur writings now. But cold u do me a big favor QUIT TEASING…LoL. Ur killing me, give me moreeeeeeeeeeeee.
Just amazing, NY… I so feel for Bette… I wonder how long it will take for her broken heart to heal… thirty years? A minute? And what will it take? A promise? A commitment? A kiss? Either way… she deserves healing. I’m guessing Tina is the only one who can provide that. Beautiful, NY. Thanks!
Thirty years for a first kiss, and it seems it was worth the wait. I still can’t believe the choice Tina made… unless she was pregnant at the time, and even so, if that was the case, it could have been made to work for everyone, with a bit of courage. And I still really feel for Bette. Even as the years stacked up, her heart appears to have been broken for pretty much all of that time, and still is, even if she tried to suppress it and get on with her life. I’m really hoping that Tina can mend it. Well, that’s enough out of me. Thanks for the chapter, NY, it was well-written as always. Cheers.
This is a wonderful story but It does break my heart as these ladies should have been together and the children should be theirs but Love it and look forward to them being together. PPS
excellent writing, looking forward to seeing more of this story
Ah, you leave us wondering! I join other posters in my hope that Bette has had a happy life during the intervening years. When I read your earlier chapters I thought we were in for heartbreak so I was happily surprised with what was to come. You’ve got to admit, though, the reunion is somewhat implausible. Yet I buy it completely and love reading it. Your story made me ralize that IC can put B&T back together, even if her device strains credulity, and I will buy in, hook, line and sinker. Thank you for your story and its weaving of NYC landmaarks into the narrative. I am looking to your future chapters but am sad to hear that it will end soon. I have no idea what your ending will be, but I will love reading it. However, pfffffttttt to you if the ending is bittersweet.
Such a heart-wrenching and beautifully written story. Thanks for sharing it.
How I love this couple. This story is wonderful.
So painful for Bette to hear about the family she wanted with Tina. I hope her life was good although it sounds like she went through the ladies a bit.
oooo la la……another chappy….just what i wanted on this cold day…..a good blanket, time, and your fic……hmmm…im in love for sure…..lol……continue soon AND have a great weekend……
wow that was seriously painful…poor Bette…hope they get 2gether finally and Angelica meets Elizabeth at last…btw what job does Bette do???
30 years is a very long time to pine away for someone…this is a fantastic story..pls pls post soon
I hope Bette was able to fulfill what she wanted. If so this would make it more harder for Tina, to know that she went ahead and did all those things and that she was not by her side to share it with her. This is a sad story but so delightful. Post soon!
Ahhhh!!!! Again!!!! And you leave us there! I can’t get enough of this story babe…I’ve caught up too BTW- left some comments on the others too!!! I really really really really hope these two get it on again…they deserve it! We deserve it! Babe, just keep doing that beautiful thing that you keep doing…I can’t wait to read your next chapter! x
I love this chapter NY. Tina is finally showing Bette just how much she cares for her. I know it has to be hard for Bette hearing about Tina’s life because it is the life she wanted them to have together. I hope neither of them runs or pushes the other away this time because they do belong with each other and they can still have many more wonderful years together. Hope you had a wonderful time with your friend in NYC. Oh and I did catch that one word reference that relates to you in this chapter. LOL Talk again soon my friend!
i can’t believe that every time you post, i’m on some strange computer in some foreign land and can’t remember my login or password (and so am unable to leave any comments). now that i’m back in control of my computer destiny (at least for the moment), i’m at a loss for words (could be lack of sleep, who knows). anyway, i just wanted to say that each chapter you’ve written thus far has left me breathless and eagerly awaiting the next. i love your writing and the care with which you’ve chosen the words and phrasing. just know that with each chapter you continue to post, my lack of comment does not mean my lack of admiration for your story-telling abilities. i just love this tale! more please!