Fan Fiction
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The Newly Discovered SoCal Humminger Bette Porterius ~ Chapter 6
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“Here.”
Alice looked up as a large brown paper bag was dropped on the table. “And what the fuck is that?”
“What you requested, no, demanded,” Bette replied, surprised at the question.
Alice sat up and pulled the bag closer. She unfolded its neatly closed top and looked inside. “This does not count!” Alice almost yelled.
“It’s chocolate,” Bette replied as she sipped her skim latte with two shots of espresso.
“You know perfectly well that it is supposed to come in a beautiful box with an elaborate ribbon from whatever is the currently hottest chocolate store, which, by the way, currently is La Vie En Bruen.”
‘Obviously, if it has such a faux-clever name is…”
“Bette, don’t get off message. It is the name of the most important chocolate store in L.A. right now, and that is the one from which you should be sending candy to your girlfriends.”
“Firstly, we are no longer girlfriends, and secondly, I’m sure Jane has the name of that store in her Rolodex, but feel free to call her if you’re worried that she may not be up to date.”
“But that’s not what I meant,” Alice whined.
Bette sighed loudly. “You said chocolates. I went and got you chocolates.” She reached for the bag and began to pull it towards herself when Alice grabbed it back.
“Hey, they’re still mine.”
“Alice, you are too confusing. That is why we would never have worked out. I need order, rationality and you…”
“Bette, did you say you got the candy?”
Bette was still annoyed. “Yes, I went to the store and I selected from the boxes on display and I brought them to the counter and I paid for them and I carried the paper bag into which they had put the candy.”
“You didn’t send Jane?”
Bette sighed again in frustration. “Have I lost my command of basic everyday English or have you?”
“You went to the store yourself,” Alice almost giggled. She opened the bag again and looked closely inside. “These are all of my favorites!”
“It wasn’t difficult to remember since you left wrappers everywhere. I’m still finding some in my car.”
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Bronwyn? C’mon, nobody’s named Bronwyn! I’ve never met a Bronwyn in my whole life. Why not give her a plausible name that everyone knows, like Gudrun or something?
2 days before artist dinner…hurry up and write it LOL
My middle name’s ‘Brownell’, maybe it’s a family name…anyway- loved the random guinea pig/tiger mishap. Off to buy a Butterfinger. Write soon!
Tina sounds like she is having cravings pregnant maybe? that would be a wrench eh?
I like how talk of the tiger snacking on guinea pigs segued into Tina wanting her lunch. I also love the Alice-Bette scenes. I know these two worlds are going to collide (and merge) soon, so reading the backstory is fun. Thanks for the post, Spumoni. :)
Spumoni, your writing is awesome! You have a story and I have faith that your story will be good, so go at your own pace…but post soon O.K.?
Poor little g-pigs. This is just too funny for words.
Hi, dear sweet Spumoni! After having such a BAD day today, your story has raised our spirits. Thanks, dearest friend. The humour between Alice and Bette is just hilarious. You made us crack several times. As for Tina’s hectic day, it sure seems VERY similar to the one we had. You made our day brighter, sweetie. *wink* PPS Lu & Marsh (Proud Salsa Aunties to the loving JC, Eunichick, ZLFAN, T_Daze, Melrose231 and Tias Adoradas to Patpez)
Another great update! Thank you! Can’t wait to see the connection between Tina and Bette. Thank you again for posting :)
I am with Alice, I love chocolate. Tina is under a lot of pressure and she seems to be distracted, maybe because of the art gallery night.
funnyone, I actually know someone named Brownwyn.
Sorry Bronwyn.
Not sure where this is going. But I enjoy your writing so I will continue to read.
Very cute update. I’m anxious to get the Tina and Bette connection. Pleease!!!
mmm, I love Nutella! Bette’s non-girlfriend girlfriend gifts were also totally awesome. I can’t wait to see what she comes up with for the flowers.
u r too funny and i love it!!!
Wonderful story Spumoni. Mmmh… Nutella, you get extra points for writing it into your story :)
LOL This cracked me up. Bette and Alice are hilarious! Thanks for the update.
Nutella and Vegemite…both spreads I know. Good point that Nutella hasn’t taken off in the USA. It’s the BEST chocolate spread on whole grain bread!Reading your work is like watching the “behind the scenes story.” You give the LWord TV show, so much more context and sure fills in the blanks. I love the Bette-Aice & Tina-Brownyn interactions. Interesting, how you parallel these pairs. Love your humor best of all!
You don’t have Nutella in the US? How do you people survive? Nutella’s AWESOME. I actually never ate another chocolate spread. Can’t imagine what it’d taste like. Wonderful story!