Alice was busy tying up some loose ends before making the journey over to Bette and Tina’s. She had been looking at the Brigham Mystery Mansion website all day, trying to decide which mystery to pick and having a little trouble. 

Tina: “Hey, where are you”

Alice: “Okay, I narrowed it down to the Old Fashion Dinner one, which is fun right? Or, we can do the Mafia Wedding Reception. What do you think?”

Tina: “Hmm, both good choices, but the Mafia one might be hard, considering we only have a weekend to solve it.  But, it’s your call. This is your weekend, Alice.”

Alice: “Okay.Old Fashion Dinner it is.”

Tina:  “That was fast, are you sure?”

Alice: “Yeah, I flipped a coin.  When in doubt”

Tina: “Alice, PLEASE be here by 6:00 sharp. And tell Dana and Harrison too.”

Alice:  “Will do.  Ya know I really wish Peggy was coming.  She’s kinda my partner in crime, and all.”

Tina: “Yeah, well maybe next time, and Alice.be here by 6:00.”

Alice hung up and immediately began to prepare.  Digging deep into her closet she retrieved a backpack and overnight case.   This wasn’t her first time at the rodeo.  She knew she had to strategically pack ONLY the essentials for such an occasion.  She really took her time and thought it all out before carefully laying out her evening gown, high heels, feather boa, make-up case, cigarette holder, clutch bag, wig, combat boots, dental floss, and her trusty new Rambo knife, now secured in its Prada traveling case, of course. She was adjusting her Jackie O’s and putting some finishing touches on her look when she heard Dana’s horn. Running out of the house she noticed Harrison in the front seat.

Alice:  “Back seat, pal!”

As Harrison climbed into the back, Alice threw her bag at him.

Alice:  “Alice Pieszecki, Investigative Reporter.”

Dana:  “Huh?”

Alice:  “No, I was just, you know, practicinguh..yajust drive.”

They pulled up to B and T’s about a half hour later

Alice: “I am so ready for this. Come on, let’s go!”

Bette:  “Whoa there, tiger, we have another 15 minutes so let’s all relax a little and take a deep breath.”

Alice: “Oh fuck that, Bette, I’m ready now!”

With that came a knock at the door. Bette looked over at Tina and smiled with raised eyebrows before finally answering it. As the door flew open, Alice‘s fists flew into the air and she screamed, “Thank you GOD!!” as Peggy sashayed her ass on in wearing a full length mink with matching hat, tilted to the side for dramatic effect, of course.  Her hands were fastened in a complimentary mink muff, which more than likely was protecting her flask from that harsh LA climate.  She donned the stilettos of a vaudevillian stripper half her age, and the smile of a sly fox about to pounce its prey as she tore into the living room, and struck a pose at the mantle.

Peggy: “You didn’t think I’d sit this fucker out did you?”

Overtaken with awe and wonderment caused by the image before them, everyone managed a weak hello as Alice high-fived Peggy, and lost her arms deep into the mink

Alice: “Have hind legs will kick, eh Peggy?”

Peggy:  “More like, have flask will travel, dear.  Now let’s get this god damned show on the road, shall we, hmm, while we’re young?”

Bette:  “Oh boy, well, we have to WAIT FOR THE CAR.”

Peggy:  “Well I have to fill my fucking flask.  Now where the fuck is the bar in this shit-kicker?  I’m assuming you do have one, yes?”

As Peggy walked into the kitchen in search of a little Mother’s Milk to help ease the pain of a life lived, the sound of the doorbell sent everyone else into an excited frenzy. Tina opened the door to a very tall Lurch looking man who stood about 6 ft 4, 6 ft 5, give or take, glaring down at her.

Alice:  “You Rang?”

They all started laughing, but Lurch’s facial expression immediately silenced the eager bunch.  He waved his hand toward the waiting car before proceeding down the walk. 

Tina: “Oh, Oh, um, I guess this is our driver.”

Tina turned to tell Lurch that they’d be out in a second but he had already made his way down to the car and was holding the back door open.

Tina: “Okay. I guess that settles it, let’s go”

One by one they made their way into the car and Alice, being the last one in, gave Lurch a big smile before slapping him on the shoulder. He continued to glare as her smile faded. She hadn’t taken her seat yet as the sound of the door slamming behind her startled the group.

Tina:  “Wow, he’s gonna be a lot of fun huh?”

Bette: “No kidding.”

Dana: “He’s really creepy.”

Jenny: “He kinda smells.”

Peggy took a whiff of her flask before shrugging, and throwing back a swig.

Alice: “He has to be that way guys, its all part of the game.”

Harrison: “Strong silent types.  Just ignore, ignore, ignore.”

Shane:  “Hey man, what year is this car?”

Lurch pressed a button that lifted a tinted partition between them. Shane, defeated, turned to face the group.

Shane: “Oh yeah, lots of fun!”

They were driving for about an hour before the mansion could be seen way off in the distance. It was located in a secluded valley that had once been a very exclusive resort for rich fat white people. It lay low and mist obstructed most of its view. They pulled up to the gates and when they slowly opened, Lurch began the final descent into the dirt driveway. When the car finally stopped, a Butler dressed in 20′s style butler fashion opened the door.

Butler: “Good Evening. I’m Jeeves, the Butler.”

Bette, Tina, Shane, Jenny, Dana, and Harrison started to giggle as Alice looked on, taking mental notes. Peggy was polishing off her cocktail as she stepped out of the car, and handing the empty glass to Jeeves, blindly staggered toward the foyer.

Bette: “Oh, Jeeves don’t worry about her. She does that to all her butlers.”

Jeeves:  “Right. Very good then, please follow me and I’ll show you to your rooms.”