I know that you’ve always wanted to know the story of how I and your mother met. So kids take a seat and hopefully this will explain a few things.

It was the year 2002 and as I sat in the Planet with your Aunt Alice, Aunt Dana and Aunt Shane. We all wondered what true love felt like. Although I was afraid of commitment, I often thought to myself if I would ever find my one true love.

It was a funny moment because a few nights previous in this same place I met a woman called Helena. F.Y.I the Planet was a café by day and a nightclub by night. She was everything I looked for in a woman. Beautiful, amazing body, beautiful smile and her hair was well something you only ever seen in a commercial.

As I stood there gazing across from the bar I was mesmerised. This tall woman had gotten up from out of her seat and was heading towards my direction. I quickly turned around so she wouldn’t notice me staring.

When there she stood by my side smiling to herself. By this point because I’d been gone so long Alice had come to usher me along with the drinks.

“What’s taking you so long?”

“I think she could be the one”

“She’s beautiful. Not sure you’re her type or even if she’s gay at all. So let’s play our lil game.”

“Hi have you met Bette”

“Erm no hi I’m Helena”

“I’m Bette as you know”

“It’s nice to meet you look, I really shouldn’t be talking to you. No offense. But it’s a girl’s night out to mend a broken heart and I’m here to get more Tequila. You know how it is a girl gets dumped hates women and all the bullshit that comes with them.”

“Erm yeah I know what that’s like. So maybe this is completely out of the blue but would you like to come out for a drink sometime. I mean as a date.”

I acted like such a goof I was barely able to get my words out.

“I’m not sure. I’m not really dating at the moment.”

“Oh right I see well maybe you could just come and have a few drinks with my friends and me.”

“What’s taking so long?” Her angry faces friends yelled from the seating area.

“That’s my queue to go. I’ve got to make it look like you’ve hit on me. So I’ll throw my drink in your face and then walk back to my seat.”

She turned her body into the bar and quickly scribbled her number down on a napkin. She tossed the water in the tumbler she was holding. And with that she grabbed the pitcher of Tequila and made her way back to her group of friends.

I dried myself off as best as I possibly could and made my way back to the girls.

“I’m guessing my game never went to plan huh?”

“In fact you wrong she gave me her number.”

“I’m a little confused I saw her throw her drink in your face isn’t that the worst brush off you can get?” Dana asked.

“Dane, it was just a front, her friends just got out of a bad break up, they hate on women in the universe, drink some strong liqueur and get over the pain together. I think we’ve done it more than enough times.”

“So what she like Bette? She’s not from around her is she? Or surely I would have definitely hit that by now!”

“Shane, my friend as much as you think everyone wants to sleep with you, some just don’t sweetie.”

Alice flung her hand up in the air for appreciation of Shane slam #3 for the night. I obviously returned this gesture.

“She’s British I’m sure of it although it’s a concoction between a few accents including ours. I don’t know I just didn’t get the vibe she was gay did you guys?”

“Yeh” Alice was definite in her answer.

“I don’t know” Shane replied

“I just don’t have a gaydar Bette” Dana replied shyly.

Well back to present time I had called Helena a little while earlier back at the house. We’d arranged to meet at 8pm for drinks at my favourite bar the Planet.