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    The escape and The escape…in the mirror (Part 5 & 6)

    Story written on February 16, 2007 by Carina112.
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    29 votes, average: 3.83 out of 529 votes, average: 3.83 out of 529 votes, average: 3.83 out of 529 votes, average: 3.83 out of 529 votes, average: 3.83 out of 5 (29 votes, average: 3.83 out of 5)
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    Number of Comments: 1
    Words: 2645
    Story Shortlink: https://assertive-maroon-jellyfish.104-250-143-187.cpanel.site/?p=64551
    Author Notes:

    Part 5 and 6… I hope, you have fun with that…

    Part 5

    The escape

    This dull feeling overcomes me sometimes, as if a voice shouted in my head. Where are you? Where are you? I can’t explain it and I also do not know where this voice comes from. Sometimes, if I have a courageous day, I think that it is Tina’s voice that Tina is looking for me. Pure wishful thinking of course. Why should Tina be looking for me, it’s been more than 2 years now. Tina is a wonderful intelligent woman, she certainly found somebody with whom she is happy. Somebody who appreciates the luck of being together with her, somebody who makes her happy as she deserves it. A task which I have failed.

    I have thought about the affair over and over again. How it could happen; when did it start to crumble between us, when have I lost control. I thought that if I could only find the precise cause, I could repair everything again. If I knew what has exactly gone wrong, I could fix it again. How naïve I was to believe that it had to be an explicit event which started the whole disaster. Today I know that the decay came stealthily. It was no certain event which released it all. There were rather the small things which were the beginning of the end. The small things that weigh all the more when they are absent. These were not the whole quarrellings, they’re natural. It is the routine of the everyday life which blunts you, which does not allow you to really listen to the other one, to really see the other one. It’s this routine of day to day life that gives you the delusive picture of the security, that everything would remain like it is. Force of habit lets the love become stunted to an automatism; it takes the very own dynamics, the strength and energy from love and spreads instead comfort which suffocates every passion.

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    And today I know how comfortable I was. I had accepted such a lot as natural. Tina who gives birth to the child, Tina staying at home, Tina who gives up her job, Tina who gets my suits from the laundry for me, my position at the C.A.C, my career, my arrogant strength … I had created my own small world and nobody should deviate from my plan, I didn’t take the trouble to ask what others may have wanted, but especially also not what I really wanted. I was my own Demiurge who has created a utopia which was condemned to failure. Nothing build up on a lie, can be for ever lasting. And my life was a lie, I was a lie.

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