Part 1

The escape

The car almost drove like self-acting. The highway was free, dark night and some lonely stars at the firmament. 100 mph, always faster and faster. An unexplained feeling of freedom, leaving everything behind, not looking back once. In the background the speaker quietly playing The Corrs – Runaway. But what was it? Was it an escape, a runaway, a giving up? Or was it a new beginning, a new chance? Could I rise up again and begin a new life? Or have I been cursed to burst on the past?

It has been two years since that night in the car. For days I’ve been driving around without an aim, spent my nights in cheap motels and tried to convince myself I’ve done the right thing. For all of us. So, some when I must have convinced myself because I’ve stranded in Seattle. And I’m still here.

I met a friend here from my time at Yale who helped me to start my new life here. She’s an insider of the art scene here. She had the necessary contacts and so it didn’t last long until I’d built my own small gallery here. Nothing in comparison to my Bette Porter-Gallery in L.A. or my work at the CAC. It’s calmer and more comfortable. Without the publicity. It’s exactly what I wanted.

Besides, I did not want any attention because I did not want to have someone finding me. If they had found me everything would have been useless. Probably I would not have been able to resist any requests to come back. No, this was much better. A final ending. Absolutely no contact! Out of sight, out of mind.

At least I was convinced that it was right for the others to get used to a life in L.A. without me and soon going back to daily business. Sure, they were probably shocked as they realized I was gone. But it was the right thing for everyone and so they wouldn’t be reminded of the things that happened.

I’ve left L.A. especially for Tina. She deserves to be happy. She deserves to find a person who makes her happy. I’ve failed in this task. The love of my life, my soul mate, my other half, the only woman in the whole wide world who made me complete.